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"Do men view cohabitance as the ticket out of marriage?" I'm sure there are some who do. I'm sure there are others who view it as a middle ground on the way to marriage. I'm sure there are others who feel marriage doesn't hold significance, so moving in with a woman is the highest form of "commitment" they'll ever show. "Do they feel cohabitance is a less committed form of relationship vs marriage?" Again, there is no one answer that can generalize all men/people and the answer you are seeking varies widely from person to person. I have friends who have lived together as a committed couple for over 20 years and have no interest in every marrying. They're as committed as can be. On the other hand, you'll find people who are fine living with someone because it's relatively easy to undo, but as as you start talking about mingling your finances, putting each other in your wills, things that truly require them to give up independence, they balk. For some, you get to "play house" without the commitment. But again, that doesn't apply to everyone and there's no way to know what YOUR boyfriend thinks. Or are they more comfortable, and therefore happy, and therefore more committed to a woman who's willing to not play the "shit or get off the pot" card? Again, I don't think you win points for this either way. I think some guys who don't want to get married be relieved when a woman they like doesn't force it. There are other guys who want marriage who would find it unattractive and less desirable (some guys like to be needed/wanted.) There are still other guys/people who it wouldn't matter either way to. They're not just going to someone more because she doesn't demand anything of them. For your situation, I would suggest open talks with your boyfriend so you can find out what HE thinks. I would also advise moving at a pace you feel ready for and not doing anything you would later feel sorry for if the relationship suddenly ended. Marriage isn't for everyone, it isn't the sacred touch that makes an unhealthy relationship whole and there are plenty of committed couples who choose never to do it. On the other hand, it is a commitment, and a strong one at that. It's more difficult to undo than a simple lease agreement, even if it can be undone. mature Delano California picI don't understand much of your post, but I want to try to help. You say you're looking for an LTR and you've been finding men to date who "seem to resonate with your new found energy." Yet: "I cannot find men around my age with who want a term relationship." And men w/out make you suspicious: "I need some assurances on why would these men were never married in the first place or had families" You think there's something 'wrong' w/ the men who've never been married and/ or had -; there's something wrong w/ the men who've been there/ done that, but don't want those things/ an LTR with you. In this logical loop, there's something wrong everyone even you!: "I cannot think like a. My thinking is little clouded because I am a woman." Frankly, I don't know any woman who'd ever say such a thing (esp. not one in her 40s but I'll remit my back-burner inklings, re: your gender ). Your 'perceptions' are deceiving you. Forget the self-betraying mess about maturity/ immaturity/ age; forget about (existent or not); forget marriage. These ideals/ 'plans' are disallowing you from getting in on the ground floor w/ these men. You come in w/ too preconceptions, jumping too far ahead in your mind. In this way, you cut these men (and yourself) off at the knees, and ultimately fall back on your old 'flight'-oriented habits (though they're manifesting in a new configuration, they're still there). Get to know the men you date think of them as new friends. Spend time, talk to them about their/ your interests, feel them out, and get a sense of their attitude. Learn about them on their own terms. don't try to define them based on airy nothings. And avoid discussing term goals, past relationships/ residual fears in the early mtgs. (It could be that the once-married/ men who have sniff you out as a desperate ring-seeker.) Keep interactions in the present. match making services
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