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I suspect that you are tougher and more psychologiy resiliant than you think. Here's why I believe it: 1. as a teen you took responsibilty for an infant and never gave up. 2. you care about family and friends. 3. You have built a decent career. 4. You have refrained from physical addictions 5. You worry about how much emotional support you can give to a significant other. 6. You want a good relationship. 7. You're not looking for booty s, or useless head games. 8. You understand the value of good company. 9. You deserve (I suspect) a good partner. I think you have your ducks in a row. So here are my suggestions: 1. dump anyone that won't work like a hot potato. (don't mess around) 2. be willing to bring a good person into your family and friend circle quickly. 3. Open up about and let her help in areas that you really could use a partner. 4. don't be afraid to give verbal emotional support, usually a few words a day or week do the trick, and it doesn't take a lot of time or energy, but goes a way. 5. Realize that family friends and career are the makeup of most peoples lives, it's ok, you can make it work. 6. Build a few new traditions once she is in your life that involve everyone, but are unique to your relationship. Westampton girl sexHere's the thing: You can't just pluck one thing out of the air and pass judgement on your BF's entire financial management without giving us a little more background. If $ is a negligible amount to him, then you don't get to judge. IF he has savings, isn't in debt up to his eyeballs and is generally fairly responsible then he can spend his money any damn way he pleases. It's not your place to "approve" of what he spends his money on, in that case. Do I think $ is silly for a pair of casual sneakers for ANYONE? Sure. I wouldn't pay it, I'm not really a fashionista, but I don't begrudge anyone paying, IF THEY CAN AFFORD IT. (I have to admit, I once saw a pair of Louboutins that completely entranced me but couldn't bring myself to spend $ on a pair of shoes. That's MY choice. It certainly doesn't stop some people!) However, I did pay $ for soccer shoes for my one year he was playing on a club/travel team, and he wears a size 15 hard to find even regular shoes, much less well-fitting soccer shoes (and they HAVE to fit, the way those had to change direction on a dime.) He took care of them, kept 'em clean and even conditioned them occasionally. He appreciated them. Does your BF's appreciate the shoes? Or does he just toss 'em aside like last week's paper? Do a backcheck and make sure that your own financial and romantic history isn't coloring your judgement on your boyfriend's spending habits. You grew up poor. OK, yeah, a lot of people did. Growing up poor doesn't make you morally superior. (Neither does growing up, but that's another story.) I can why you might be nervous, especially if your ex was not fisy responsible. You say that he likes to spend money, but again DOES HE HAVE IT TO SPEND? If you and he co-mingle your finances, then you might want to consider taking a financial management class together, such as Ramsey's Financial Peace (take the 13-week seminar, it's more powerful than the on-line offerings, because it's harder to duck behind rationalizations. :-) It's a great program for getting partners on the same, financially, and helping them organize their financial goals in sensible ways. indian dating
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