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You've got a couple of options. You've been diagnosed so now you have treatment options. Get the treatment (meds/psychological therapy) and you should stablize in a matter of weeks. Then approach your ex and explain how you really feel and what the disorder caused you to do. You can prove it with published references. I have seen people involuntarily ruin their lives because of this disorder. Anyway, remind her of the good times and what you committed to. Tell her that you are committed to staying well now that you understand what was wrong, and can still commit to her. Just because she signed the papers does not mean it cannot be repaired. However, be prepared, you could get an extreme in either direction. She could be happy and come to you or she could still reject you out of pain. Nonetheless, saying your piece plant the seed. Work on keeping yourself well and focus on that while you give her time. She either forgive you or she won't. If she does you be stable enough to make a go at it again. If she does not you do have other options out there and again, you be stable enough to start fresh. My step is moderately to severely bipolar. There's a HUGE difference in the medicated him and the nonmedicated him. I felt like walking out a number of times when a 12 year old boy blatently gets in my face disrespectly and refuses to "play nice". Since I had to deal with her ex, options were limited and put a serious strain on our relationship. I had to keep reminding myself it was not his fault. Once diagnosed and consistently medicated, he's your average kid. Remember, she gave up on you because she thought you were doing it on purpose probably, your friends did as well. Knowledge is control. You have the knowledge now so you have control over what you can do. Your other option give up. Doesn't sound like much of an option does it? Go your doctor and ask him to include antidepressents for at least a while. Stay on your meds, find therapy, and find a friend you can talk to. Things get better no matter which direction the road takes you. BTW, don't listen to "PuppyBreeder". She sounds selfish and jaded. I no point in kicking someone when they are down. I am 42 and I have had my share of horribly bad times and relationships but I refuse to be that cynical life is too short. Enjoy what you can. looking for that special and deep connection girl on 4th street walking with two friends
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