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Imagine the most horrible thing that has ever happened to you in your life happening to you again. I believe that I have some form of post-traumatic stress disorder. I spent most of my 20s just casually dating, with only a couple of short-term boyfriends. They seemed nice, but they were addicts. Probably a lot of what I saw as "nice" was them in an altered state. I was 28 when I met the last guy. We met online. He was younger than I was and I was attracted to his youthful optimism. When I said I was afraid to get serious with a younger guy (or any guy) he said "sooner or later, something's gotta work out." I was "betting on potential." He was bright and seemed mature, so I figured he just needed a new start. I told him he didn't belong in Memphis because his mindset was more like that of a Californian. After we'd known each other for several months, He impulsively bought a one-way ticket to California. Being the caregiving codependent whatever it is, I assumed he just needed someone to show him how to accomplish his goals. I didn't realize his goal, to the extent he had one, was to just out and mooch off of me. A few months after he moved here I experienced the first of what would be back injuries. I was also diagnosed with a chronic health condition that mimics a tumor. I was unable to walk, my vision became impaired and I developed chronic nerve pain. This guy literally had to tie my shoes for me and physiy prop me up if I needed to walk 10 feet. I became extremely dependent on him. I needed him to be my arms and legs. Eventually I did regain the ability to walk but I still have damaged vision and nerve pain and can't lift anything. I can't do things like take out the trash or groceries. My ability to drive is limited because I have very poor depth perception. Although he never acknowledge it, I believe he basiy took advantage of my poor health. He saw it as a key to do whatever he pleased, provided he cooked, drove and lifted heavy objects. He wore his mask of "perfect guy" for years. It was happenstance that I discovered a lot of things about him that he hid from me. So that's the bottom line. I'm too trusting of "nice" people because I can't comprehend evil. girls for fucking Alcoa TennesseeI think people who come here do listen, at least some of the time, to some of the things people say. Here's the thing: The only two people who really know the dynamics of the relationship are the people in it. We hear the crappy stuff because that's what people have a problem with they don't come to complain about the great stuff. These guys who "treat women like shit" do not start out that way. They start out as charming and nice as any other guy. Actually, they're usually MORE charming and nice than any other guy. These guys can what a woman's weak spot is and find a way to get right into that niche. As an example: I am disabled. I can't lift things. I can't walk very far. I've come to depend on my partner for those things. I have a difficult teenager. She doesn't listen to a word I say but she listens to what her tough southern stepdad says. THAT's the guy I fell for. The one who helps me and my kid and is an all-around great guy. I was with him a time before his mask of awesomeness started flaking away. When it did, I refused to believe it because I liked THE OTHER guy. I couldn't believe the "jerk" and the "great guy" were the same person. Anyway, I believe that advice does slowly seep in, once people filter it through the context of their relationships and sift the good nuggets. I think it takes a while but I think most people do eventually listen. grannies swingers
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