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Your husband is thoughtful, introspective, speaks with a purpose: He's thought about what he wants to say, interpreted from first language to 2nd language. If you cut him off in the middle of speaking, then he has to rethink, and re-interpret into English. This is annoying for him. He view it as disrespectful and you need to stop interrupting while he's making a point. Study how he interacts with his family or with friends from his own culture, how of a pause do they give each other before speaking? In a management class I once learned the East coast folks tend to cut in and West Coast folks tend to pause longer. It helps to know these style difference. Also some cultures demand a pause so as to not be disrespectful. Take a Communications class!! Also, STOP throwing out the D word. STOP saying, "I don't know how you can me " These are not helping solve the issues at hand it just makes the argument get worse quickly, and is an emotional ploy for him to reassure you. Learn how to FIGHT FAIR: stick to the actual topic of disagreement phrase points as "I am jealous of the gal who is fundraising, I wish sh'ed have sent me a text too so I felt included. Can I go with you to the fundraiser? don't feel like you need to "help" all the time. You are over-doing that to a point that it is annoying to friends and hubby. Pick and choose high priority things to research and help with. WHY do you think any of these things warrant a divorce??? You are growing, learning, adapting styles and cultures. Have you ever started a job, and at work you had to learn new procedures, a new set of boundaries, figuring out how to act around people? Some of this you learned through your boss communicating written and verbal expectations. Marriages lack a training, so you have to learn these things as you go. It's unrealsitic to think marrital bliss is automatic. So figure out the areas you need to change (in you), it's part of the process. Port Arthur wants sexOCD. They are separate friendships with each, these 2 people don't know each other. Last one of them just broke my totally and I was kicking him to the curb and he "sucked up" to me, for lack of a better term, to hold on to the friendship and we made up. Nevertheless, I never spend more than 5 hours at a clip in his presnce again. We've been friens 20 years. Just now I lost it with the 2nd friend on the phone and made her cry. Immediately after I sent an e-mail explaining and apologizing for hurting her feelings but making it clear that I not adjust to her obsessivness. I don't know if we'll make up. I'm ok with whatever happens. WHAT I LEARNED: right in the beginning of a friendship if I'm not comfortable GET OUT OF IT. Stop talking to myself saying "give people a -" "no one is perfect" "they have other qualities" both of these people made 80% of the effort to become friends and I did the self-talk. NO Advice sought. Your own comments/expereinces in the same vein appreciated. Rant over. asian woman
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