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First, in response to jrhlunch's original question: Yes, there are a lot of guys who get more turned on by getting the other guy off. Which brings me to jay_c_bird's question: Some guys have difficulty getting off during sex because they have to be stimulated in just a certain way. (It's probably the exact way they masturbate.) Some guys might make weird faces or noises when they get off and just don't want to do it around someone. But just because a guy doesn't get off or even get hard doesn't mean he's not into it. Some guys can be really turned on but won't (or maybe can't) do anything until they're alone thinking about it. The fact that he got hard when you two first got together might have to do with the aspect of it being new which is a real turn on for some guys. (For other guys newness might actually cause a lot of anxiety.) But maybe it really has something to do with the relationship. If you like the guy you should definitely discuss it. If he's happy but just can't get off with someone around find out what's going to be a turn on for him when he's thinking about you later. But ultimately if your sex life isn't satisfying for you you're going to need to address that. 40s guy looking for 20s girl for e mail friendship
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