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but to those that judged me: i do admit that i am a spoiled girl. but i never take advantage of my dates. in fact, i am the opposite of a demanding girl. i have a nice life of my own and i've always been able to spoil myself with or without men. if there was one thing i wanted a guy to provide for me that i can't on my own, it's just companionship and commitment. that being said, i do enjoy when my dates go out of his way to treat me like a while i am too, a generous girl. it's not about the gifts,money or 's about the effort a guy puts in for me. and i know and am able to reciprocate with thoughtful gifts and doing nice things for him too. he has also showed no signs of being a player. always supporting me in everything i do, and telling me he'd be a great father someday, how he thinks my parents are so lucky to have a daughter like me..and how he admires his dad blablabla.. it became very hard for me to believe a guy like him could be an asshole :( when he broke up with me,i continued to care for him hoping it change his mind. i wanted to prove that i am a good gf and that i can make his life better. if i acted desperate, it was because i truly wanted something more meaningful with him. i cut him off when i didn't want to be hurt everyday anymore:( but he refused and told me he always be my friend. i disagreed, but he never stopped inviting me out for innocent activities. and i slowly started talking to him like b4. when i agreed to out more often again, it was partly out of curiosity, because it has been a year and i wanted to know if i have really moved on. or even just to prove to myself whether he really cares for me as a friend, or he's an asshole and i should hate him. yet i realized i still have so much feelings for him. I started being nice to him again, even agreeing to design his place free(i'm an interior designer) a part of me just want him to remember me as a girl that did her best, if we were to never talk to each other again after this. as i force myself to move on. i do admit that i am selfish for doing this to my current date. but we are all selfish when it comes to. my can't decide what my heart chooses. my current date doesn't make my heart beat the same way..although his and kindness is slowly healing me. it still doesn't feel the same way :( i don't get any "butterflies". good cam chat sex hospafford not to. But because I don't the need to have a two bedroom apt. I lived on 23 acres in a big ole house. And actually rented out the bedrooms I wasn't using. When I got tired of maintaining it I simply sold it. Put the money in the bank and moved into a nice one bedroom apt. big enough for 2 to live in but not so big I have to hire a maid. never was big on material things. Not into jewelery or clothes. Something that's nice and looks fine is great with me. I much rather spend my money traveling. I honestly couldn't care less about what my car looks like. As as its clean and runs well. But I say it would get me crazy if there were dishes in the sink. It just bothers me. But that comes fro living in the city and worrying about roaches climbing on dirty dishes. No matter how clean you were in my old neighborhood in Brooklyn. if there was a dish in the sink the roaches would come. They came from the person next door who wasn't so clean. match online dating
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