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red I had and never gave up on us, I was so in love with someone who had lost who they were. I didn't know my place and was just hanging on to what we had in the start. what we were going through was me. I never ever had intentions of hurting and never did what I was accused and now trying to survive this change in life had me 4 times for real and you were gone with out as much as please! Really dieing here and in pain all the time is making me lose faith in myself more and more. I have taken hold of the one thing that brought us together and had never really left it. I wished you knew me when you were sick all those years. You forgot who I was when you wanted to leave this world and I was struggling to hang on to you when you didn't even as much as say lets talk. I was lonely even through the fights we fought together for and life itself. But finding letters and rant n rave meetings everywhere had done me in. It is and was meant to be and I seen it and it still is. You want to talk so lets do it but stop what is going on before we each other. NOW. I am injected with seeing where we can go but you refuse to let me in again, I know your influences are telling you no as mine, but if you want to make all this right then tell me where we were married and what night did we. How I want things to be real again and how we were influenced by the way we were living before sicknesses. I was there you just saw past me to your pains and demons and I was just another in the way like your first two. I struggled with such So much pain and I had no idea what was happening to me and I couldn't focus on my work, life or and I never understood why and even today I am in so much pain I want to cry but to much of a macho man to do such a thing. SORRY if you miss read me and my pain, and I am as well for yours. Call me when you really want to talk. Not going to die yet but if I do not get things corrected soon I will not be able to sit or walk. WE lost ourselves when we had a lot, being
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