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A person once told me that I had to remember. They said I had to remember that in the entire history of the universe you’re the only ‘you’ that has ever existed and ever exist. They sheeted my ego and went onto to say that there’s nobody in existence who is you and no one can ever the world the way you it and can tell the rest of us how it looks and this perspective might be so different and so beautiful that it changes everything. I wonder about beauty now when I think of those words. Male Beauty. Female Beauty. Androgynous Beauty. When I realized the power of truly becoming an individual my mind became a cradle and I finally felt a sense of home. I want to find and reach out to a woman who feels the same, that artist who is constantly hunting, stalking, lusting for more. My mind drifts idily as I sit in this warmly lit tea and coffee shop, fingers braced against keyboard and thoughts wrapped around the hazzards of the new mind aesthetic. What does beauty mean anymore really and how could it change anything? Is it just a collateral of the everyday being or a fabricated affectation? It all makes me think of my ex and consider her in the same context. She was the cold ice that me and proceeded in devouring me. Her dour and darkness was infinitely appealing and she was aware of this. To her it was just another one of the enjoyably unresolvable enigmas posed by her infinitely superficial character and no matter how layers were taken off there was never any depth to an encounter with her it all just was. She just sort of flowed over you. There was just this cruelty to her words and a disquiet to her gait and nothing softened her effect on people. single want romance ltrfor the additional background information. You definitely sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, and I can % relate to your sense of not being able to enjoy life "as it happens." But the thing is, your education is a part of life, too. Is your bf planning to move/ transfer if grad school takes you out of the LA area? And have you thought about whether or not you really want him to do this? The worry you have about him cheating, and the questions/ concerns that were raised for you following the threesome, is the thing that has me asking all these questions. If he moves, is it to help dispell your fears of his cheating? I'm not sure that's the best reason for you guys to up and leave town together. And youth is a commodity in LA, but LA isn't all of CA and he won't have that asset going for him forever. I'm just saying that, if you guys stay together (with your life moving ahead along a defined track and his.. well..) it be for the right reasons? it be for -/ best friendship, or it be for the sake of crutching/ assuaging insecurities? After all, if you go off to grad school and he doesn't move, you worry? You're not going to have a realistic amount of space for that sort of drama when you're in a grad program. It'll take away from your work. You're going to need to make the highest gpa possible. Just some things to think about. Sorry for riding the higher ed. thing so hard. I've just been through the system and know how much it can take of a person, how much it can seriously impact "life" as it happens. I've no doubt, with the maturity you seem to have, that you can get thru it but it is a terribly important step to take (depending on your field, of course) and it is process that allows minimal baggage/ distractions of its participants. adult sex
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