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My boyfriend just returned from a (work) trip. Something very stressful happened, and he drank. He hadn't had anything to drink in 45 days. He's been to a few meetings recently and was in AA a few years ago sober for about a yr. Anyway he confessed he had broken down had a couple of glasses of wine. He said he wanted me to know. I tried to be supportive. I wasn't sure how to react or what to say. I didn't *feel* a whole lot, so I just told him I wasn't disappointed in him (I know from history he's probably already being hard enough on himself to have me add to it negatively). Maybe part of the problem is my not saying something more in order to protect his feelings. Here's where the (other) current problem lies the next morning I noticed him pull 2-3 mini-travel bottles of gin from his on bag. I don't know if they were empty or not. Later that evening I told him I wanted to ask him about something told him I'd seen the bottles, appreciated him telling me about the wine, wasn't sure what to make of the gin, didn't want to make any assumptions or judgments, so that's why I was bringing it up. He said he was embarrassed and didn't know what to say. I didn't either! Given last night was also a special occasion, I didn't push it. We hugged a bit (me comforting him?) and carried on with our evening. In the middle of the night I woke up fully aware of the fact that he had lied by omitting a significant piece of info. yet told me about the wine b/c "it was the right thing to do." But not mention the gin!? Did telling me about one thing cancel the other out? He had made his big "confession" of sorts but left at least of the story out? I know he's lying to himself, right? But he's also lying to me and with so much ease it's unsettling (as if lying wasn't enough). I imagine he would he have told me if the bottles were still full? There have been other things he has downplayed to say the least. His own self-esteem issues are so great, he has so much shame can I trust someone who can't be honest with themselves? Did he realize he was lying or did he actually believe in that moment that he was being entirely truthful with me? And, in the end, does that really matter? Any insight personal experiences, advice would be appreciated. Thank you. casual encounters Pelham
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