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about the touch issues. Does anyone touch you, during a typical week? I think you're all kinds of crazy but touch-deprivation could be a part of it. Get a manicure. It look nice and someone touch the heck out of you for an hour, hand and arm massages, business like skin on skin. But when you are deprived it can make you feel sane again. A gentleman's manicure, if you don't know about those. (No polish ) Then find some therapy. It's worth the money. Your attraction to this girl you barely know is toxic and unnatural. don't feed it. Distract yourself. Cut all contact. And just plain leave the poor girl alone: you are just focusing on her to distract yourself from some inner pain you don't want to face. You don't necessarily have to face it; but you have to fill your hours with activities so that you can become grounded and normalized. You are way off balance. Swing dance., inexpensive, good exercise, they usually give dance lessons around 8 and go until 11 so it isn't outside a work schedule, and you change partners every round and people touch hands arms and backs. Your head spins around a lot so it be easier not to think or fall into your obsession. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or old folks home, lots of other lonely people who can help your perspective. Are you getting what other people are saying, about how creepy this is? Do you count the hours between other events of your life? Chemistry labs? Eating artichokes? Seeing a bluebird? 50 plus discreet dating
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