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The next morning she slipped out of bed while he was still dozing and padded quietly to the bathroom. She peed, and washed her hands, splashed some water on her face…and looked at herself in the big mirror behind the sink. Normally she didn’t look at herself too closely in the mirror – body image issues (as the self help books said), and a faint, sublimated revulsion at what she’d let herself become over the years. But now, in the quiet of the morning, she looked at her reflection not with distaste but with…a kind of fascination. Like she was looking at a stranger…or she was looking at herself when she was fifteen or years old – when she made her very first, most tentative, naïve explorations of her sexuality, her own self pleasure… She studied the bruises, the bite marks, the hand prints and stripes, that covered her body front and back – the splotchy circles of black bruising where’d he’d bound and cinched her breasts … She wasn’t seeing a blobby, flabby, out of shape middle aged woman – which was how she usually saw herself. Instead she saw a woman, a girl on the verge of sexual awakening – full of life and potential … and most importantly, a woman not afraid to plunge into the unknown (she’d spent so much – too much – of her life afraid… She found herself thinking about last night – all the things she’d done, all the things he’d done to her – on her knees with her hands cuffed behind her back, choking on his rigid cock while he slapped her face and pulled her hair and ed her those awful names (bitch, whore, cumslut) … awful names, but all true, she couldn’t get enough – gagging on his beautiful gorgeous cock, she’d wanted it, wanted the gagging, the choking, the tears streaming down her face, the messy saliva/pre-come drooling down her, dripping onto her breasts and her aching tortured nipples… Crocker Missouri man for large womenActually, while a large part of this is probably hormonal, some of it IS in your head. There's a lot of different layers to a sexual experience, especially for women. One is the thought, "hmm, that feels good," followed by layers of increasing and finally the actual act itself. When you say you "lack the -", does that mean that you have no interest in even starting up a sexual encounter, or that you are having trouble reaching orgasm? Is the menopausal issues causing changes in your body (dryness, etc.) that are perhaps making sex less comfortable? Sometimes, though, the comes when you "fake it" I don't mean faking orgasms, etc., but just making the effort to engage, even though it not be a priority, might help the spark come later, in a different way, but there be a spark, especially if you are with someone you and trust. You be programmed to expect a particular series of arousal signs, and it be time to learn some new ones. A glass of wine to relax help. Also, look to your physical health if you are out of shape, not getting enough sleep, stressed at work, stressed with, etc., all of these can be contributing factors. Women don't give themselves enough slack in this department, and tend to think things are "their fault", but often, it's just real life making itself felt. Start with a doctor, but take a hard look at how you are treating yourself overall. Good luck and it get better. naughty massage
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