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with perspectives from both D/tops and s/bottoms. I'll talk from my perspective, this isn't me representing anyone but myself even tho I'm gonna talk in generals. >"In your dynamic, what constitutes being a "good girl"? " He's given me a mantra from one of our first scenes over the phone several years ago "good girls get to cum, bad girls get nothing". This question brought that right to mind. Automagical :). In our dynamic, "good girl" means I'm being genuine and taking in my submission. It means I'm being forthright and communicative instead of internalizing and shutting down. It means I'm backing up my words here and on fet and wherever I chose to participate in kink discussion with sincerity and action in our personal dynamic. "Good girl" is usually delivered to me spontaneously, when I'm least working for it and instead being more organic. "Good girl" means I'm being true to myself, my desires and what he's learned about me. A "bad girl"? ( not to be confused with naughty) A bad girl is willfully wantonly manipulative. She say she is yours to control and then sabotage interactions by trying to control things herself. She does not have the best interests of herself or the dynamic at heart and she's willing to sacrifice in submission for temporary control of the moment. I'm not talking about being a doormat but I am talking about acting like I take greater pleasure out of being cunning and deceitful over being real and honest. A bad girl capitalizes on hesitation from her top or Dom. She's a calculating little manipulator. At least that's what is going through my mind when I know I'm being "bad". It has a feeling it's not a *cackle cackle I'm going to get him good *menacing glare* sort of feeling I don't feel the need to undermine him but I do get this feeling quite quickly that what I'm doing brings me no and no release no freedom from stress. In fact, it burdens me ly and I start to feel all heavy like I'm hiding behind a lie and just want out of it. There's not a shred of charm, felicity, cheer or amusement in it. For either of us. -cont- lonely women Anniston Alabama7. His parents are returning from holiday in a few weeks, and he has yet to decide we are NOT returning to his apartment; nor has he looked at a single alternative. I take things into my own hands at this point and start ing around and looking at apartments, carrying my fussy everywhere and trying to corral my SO to viewings. This EVENTUALLY spurs him into action, and he finds and secures a place for us. We move, from his parents' and his apartment, the LAST day before his parents return. (I don't even have time to properly clean the mess we made of their home.) 8. It's about two months later. I'm staying home with our, figuring out motherhood, our new apartment, neighborhood, and trying to figure out how to return to work. I want to make some money, to help support us now, and to finish up the basic renos on our place in the country. And he starts talking about moving AGAIN! Our apartment is too small, he says, and he wants to move to a larger apartment in the same building. Add to this that I would have preferred he stay home while I worked. I make better money and like my work more. But he is adamant no one can run his family's business and he "has" to he hates it. Add also the fact that, if we relied on my income, we could live/work in NYC just a few months of the year and enjoy the rest of our time in the country (and be working and planning toward our mutual term goals in public service). Add also the fact that he doesn't make a salary per se, can't just split some cash with me, but just makes purchases on his family's credit card so I am siphoning off my personal savings for things like shoes, groceries, and birth control, while not being allowed to work/make money, while he stays home. (Day care so far is not an option. In our neighborhood, there are only "in-home" day cares that take babies as as ours, and we both agree the ones we've visited so far have been depressing and/or worrying.) And minor but also, we are living, IMO, in already much too expensive an apartment and neighborhood, just to be walking distance from his family and family business. I feel so done with moving and limbos. I'm about to blow a gasket. Am I totally unreasonable? i love sex
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