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I think much of this is coming from some of the things you suggested, but in a different way. in itself has become more isolated; in its communities, neighborhoods, and families. I came from an extended family: aunt, uncles, cousins, grandparents, all living under one roof. This doesn't exist anymore. Relationships are made, maintained, and broken by online networks and internet. The physical closeness between women isn't there either. Women are told to toughen up, and men need to be more sensative. I'm a sensative girl, and being held by other women, to laugh, cry, be loved in a friendship with another woman. My boyfriend, or any other bf, didn't brush my hair and talk to me about deep issues in my life. Now the girls I meet find that "-" or too sexual. is sex now. But I know to be for a brother, friend, cousin, family, neighbor. But that is the close relationships I had with the women in my life. I want that, I need that, and now that is sex in this society, my mind is telling me I need to fuck that. I don't mean to say that lesbians are taking a platonic too far, by any means. I do not want my words interpreted that way. However, I feel differently about women than most people I've met and differently than I believe a lesbian would. It is all in theory what I'm saying. On the second part, my boyfriend is well informed of my nature. He's been my best friend longer than he's been my boyfriend. He loves and understands me. He is interested in a threesome, but unicorns are hard to come by, esp for a BBW. Open relationships scare him, he says mostly because of STDs. Cheating I can't do. I couldn't keep it from him, and it would devestate him, if I did that without his knowledge. We have such an open and honest relationship. I don't want to ruin that. I show him my postings and everything. I've only been with two other men besides him, both in term mostly monogomous relationships. They cheated on me, and I'm slightly polyamorous. I've never had a relationship with two people at the same time. Only a few months in between relationships that lasted for years though. Maybe I am depressed, but the therapists I have seen never felt that I had depression, nor needed medication for it. women for relationship and sex PaulistaAlways so much to say, but often lacking the appropriate time, words, arena, or audience. So notions, thoughts, theories, feelings, sentiments, confessions, ideas, hopes, fears and truths that are so much less dangerous, less powerful, when left in mental bondage, captured and entangled in the confines of the ever-broadening, (yet, strangely suffocating in its perpetuate state of maximum capacity) mind. So errors that I've found and have circled in red in the rough(est) draft of life, but I refuse, even still, to go back and edit it to pardon it, excuse it, fix it with a band-aid with simple words, simple utterances of reality, of fact, of opinion, of emotion New skin can't move the scar. The mind moves too fast for emotions to keep up: a saving too wonderful to praise. Push it aside as a laugh beats a tear to the punch. Laughter life's sole redemption, more often than not. Laughter my favorite murmur of defeat. It is never an option to tell you what is on my mind. History repeats itself, but you cannot fool me twice. To have you toss salt when I showed you how deep the wound was it cannot happen twice, and therefore, it is never an option to tell you what is on my mind history repeats itself, while the future remains unstated altogether. Who would be foolish enough to let a past that did not want them sabotage a beckoning future? "Not I," said the girl, glancing over her shoulder for a second too. is a dangerous thing an infection of the mind that eats away at reality but just the gray matter. Jet black and stark white were always my forte my comfort. The greater the polarity the lesser the confusion. The lesser the confusion the greater disillusion. So, you, I must demand the shades of gray. I need them. Avoiding them is not an option, as it is nothing more than a lie. A destructive truth always trumps a mollifying lie. But self-destruction doesn't lie comfortably across the heart. It is never an option to tell you that I you. That your imperfections make you perfect. That's not for you to know, to hear, to wonder, or suspect. Who are you to know the elusive truth? It isn't yours to conjecture. It isn't yours, because when it was, you did not. So now it is mine, but only in theory, as most elusive things tend to be. And it is never an option to tell you, until history repeats itself. discreet encounter
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