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most of the feedback has made me very aware of the overall view on this issue. I definitely feel there are limitations to trying to discuss things on here,but nevertheless I did post. I think people confuse my feeling attracted to this woman and my actually acting on it. Having put this info out on a forum I knew I was taking a that I might encounter strong, negative, even hostile, scary stuff. Nevertheless, writing here has clarified for me a couple of things. I am confused,conflicted, uncomfortable, and uncertain with the whole thing or I wouldn't be asking opinions etc. When I feel that way about things I don't go out and act on it, I need to figure out what is going on. I have no interest in hurting or exploiting anyone. Especially this woman and as a result my friend, her mother. The daughter be going back to university in 3 weeks. These emotions fizzle out. I have often been attracted to other women who for whatever reason are not available. In a sense this is the same, only far MORE complicated too much potential for disaster. The reality is that if I ever did act on these feelings, the consequences would be negative and unhealthy for everyone concerned. I would lose far more than I would gain. I might get a passionate moment and that's about it. I do NOT want to cause problems for this woman or my friend. So I am not just thinking of what I want or need. I am looking at what the consequences of my behaviour would be IF I did choose to act on these feelings. Seems more rooted in fantasy than reality now. I guess I just need to work on forgetting about her "that way". out of townr looking for some funWe are exploring our options. I don't believe that she wants to screw me. I believe she wants to be as amicable as possible. We have no assets anymore. There's some stuff we own that I suppose it worth some. Our savings are gone. Hard times and she likes to spend. She makes more than me, but also lives well beyond her means. Lots of debt. We rent. I know I got to be a. I am doing my best to finally grow up. Stopped drinking two years ago. She drinks wine nightly. Not shitfaced, but she has a couple of glasses. When I was drinking too much, I used to beg her for support and help. She never would. I would ask, just temporarily, if she would stop drinking with me. Back then, I was drinking vodka like nobody. So much that I seriously could have died. Quite seriously. She wouldn't help. It's like reaching out my hand from the edge of a, and she walked away. I think about stuff like that and I realize: she never loved me. She didn't care if I died. So, in ways this has become clearer to me now. I am two years sober. I never got in any trouble or hurt myself or anyone, thank God. I just decided that I had to do it myself, for myself, and one day I simply stopped. I couldn't rely on her or depend on her for anything. Like I mentioned, her spending was also out of control and selfish. She ran up thousands on store card and I just found out about recently. I am aware now. I wish the new guy best of luck. It still sucks, though. Real bad. Part of me is sad that I wasted over 20 years. That sucks. match making services
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