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yes i suppose im just comingout of the in shock phase and am trying to what others have done in this situation and how they have fared etc. i took my wows very seriously "to have and to.. till etc.. "and i shouldnt have. I grew up more conservative i guess and she was a bit more liberal i dont know. i keep trying to rationalize my actions and her actions and i keep coming back to the same odd point. they should have a wedding wow disclaimer sentnce (i have an affair.. blah blah). like i said i grew upwith the standard model of a family "as seen on tv" loving wife, working husband, etc etc. and thats how i was raised. Thats what i expected. Her family was even more conservative then mine. Im glad for this forum and id like to thank everyone who made comments. I appreciate the advice. It has helped me in my resolve on what i should do and maybe a few approaches. I know some have lived through this in one way or another. I dont wish it for anyone its not cool. youre also right "whatsname" about the "ball-less wimp" that thought did come to mind but, im ok with my masculinity. i am strong. I it as more a breakdown of of the trust that i perceived existed, or was led to exist. getting on-the-side is not me, i know some folks could do that easily and maybe itll help them. but then what. i it as becoming an "i did this" and "you did this" argument, would that work, would it level the field of resentment? maybe. i think its going to depend on whether she wants an open marriage or repair of our existing. i think its going to be along road regardless. i was hoping for an emotional train ride with wonderful stops, instead i got the roller coaster ride. One sad tidbit in all of this is that i found out about this in the middle of a family medical emergency. So it was a double emotianal roller coaster in one day. oh well i think just writing here and reading some comments has givenme some strength. take care everyone. adult swinger Cemaes
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