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picking the right partner. It's hard to do that at 19. People aren't grown up by that age, so you really don't know how they'll turn out. Change isn't just hard, it's entirely unpredictable. There are things people can't change even if they want to; and a lot of changes people GROW into over decades. So really, even though your husband says he wants to change, there's no guarantee he can. And even though you'd like to help him, you really can't. people have wasted lifetimes hoping someone change. I think you have to accept the fact that you probably chose the wrong partner. The issues you've mentioned are serious. They're big, fat character issues, which your husband (or not) change in the next twenty years, but it's unrealistic to think he can do so in the near future. We like to believe people change for but they really don't. Not because they don't want to, but because they can't. Like I said, change isn't as deliberate or as subject to our control as we like to think. Do you have? I not. If you do, don't be foolish enough to make any more. The best we can say about your husband is he's not ready for marriage. But it be worse than that. He never be he always be impulsive and/or irresponsible, despite his good qualities. I say start thinking about moving on. Admit you were and foolish and when you married and work on being older and wiser. You'll be glad you did. You've lost respect for your husband for good reason. Honor your reason and integrity and sanity by choosing a better life for yourself. 34 year old professional female looking for a boytoy
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