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Stop provoking, stop hurtful words. Verbal -: I met a girl on a cruise ship. Stunning. I was playing basketball and she wanted to play. Well, she got competitive and I was ahead on points. She mutters under her breath "I'm not going to lose. I hate to lose" while I was defending her. She threw an elbow to my face and tried to go for a layup. I swatted the ball out of bounds everything I had, "OUTTA HERE!" The girl was devastated. She looked dazed and slowly walked away. "OMG, I just crushed a hottie!" I chased her down and apologized. We became friends and ate lunch, went to dinner, went dancing til the was coming up. Next day, she didnt know me. It was like that 50 first date movie. It would take all day to get her to warm up, by evening, she and I were best friends, by evening, we were soul mates. But by morning, she was went to visit her a couple times and it was the same. Drove me nuts. Couldnt figure out her problem so I quit trying. A family friend finally told me what the deal was. This girl was 27 at the time (I was 25)and her mom would always tell her how ugly she was and how noone would ever her. I liked this girl and she liked me but her mom's words were hammered through her and she would back off. I wish I knew then what I know now. I would have had her invite me to her mom's house and in front of her mom, told this girl how beautiful she was and how much I loved her, and dared mom to say differently. looking for a serious and happy relationshipFirst, if your wife goes for individual counseling, SHE be the client. If you go together for couples counseling, BOTH of you are the clients. My recommendation is that you each go for individual counseling, and both of you go for couples counseling. That's 3 therapists, one for each of you, and 1 for you as a couple. Lots of money, but I think it's time you put your money where your mouth is. This is not the time to cut corners. This is the time when you SHOW that you mean business. That you recognize that you're in crisis, and you're prepared to make substantial, permanent changes. If she refuses couples counseling, go for individual counseling anyway. Show her that you mean business. No words. Actions. There can be ethical conflicts when a therapist sees both of you in couples counseling, in addition to seeing one/both of you in individual counseling. The question of who is the client becomes muddled. Now, no therapist worth his/her salt give advice or tell the client what to do. Therapists don't have all the answers, and what works for one person/couple not work for another. Instead, they bring to the table all their skills to help the client(s) find their way to making their own decision(s). Forget the illusion of control; this is out of your hands. Your wife very well decide that the marriage is not worth saving. Or she shoot you one last, and if she does, recognize that it'll probably be your last, and don't blow it. That's where your individual therapy kicks in. Learn a better way. Take responsibility for your past behavior. Acknowledge the hurt you've caused, make amends wherever possible, and resolve to never be that again, with her, or in some future relationship. If you've lost your wife, accept it graciously and support her decision. Whatever the outcome, your best shot at this point is to go balls out and get ready to fight for your marriage. If this fails, be the most supportive father to your and ex that you can possibly be. Good luck. dating party
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