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Obituaries are histories. They memorialize our dead and bring them back to life. I had forgotten Firestone over the years. But reading Faludi’s tribute to her reminded me of what that time was like, the fervid nature of early Second-Wave feminism and how it changed my own life and the lives of so women around me. Re-reading Owen’s poetry reminds me of how much we lose without concomitant histories; Faludi interviewed dozens of people who had known Firestone. But Owen’s family destroyed every detail of his life that wasn’t a poem. And so we never know, for sure. Just like we never know for sure about Sakia Gunn. Because she was only 15, because she was black, because she was a lesbian, because she was just starting to live her real life, heading to the queer hangouts in Greenwich Village, feeling her strong butch self, details were scant about her. Unlike Shepard, her father wasn’t a diplomat, her mother wasn’t an activist. Keeping her legacy alive has been left to those of us who consider her female, of color life of equal importance. Sakia Gunn’s murder told me a lot about her life. It tells me she fought. It tells me she made her voice heard. It tells me she wasn’t about pretense. It tells me she was brave. It tells me she died telling the truth about her life. These lives–and sadly violent deaths–remind us of why we need to take note of our dead, pay tribute to their lives, leave a lasting memorial. In respects, obituaries are our only histories. In small-town newspaper where we read of someone survived by their longtime companion, this is the only notation of a queer life and death. For centuries that was the only thin marker of our queer lives. just moved to Camerota a couple weeks ago
If you missed my first thread, it's here: https:// We had a great week it happened to be his birthday, so I baked a cake, got him a small gift, and we had people over to his place. Because he had houseguests in town for the party, he stayed with me (he has a one BR apartment). We started having sex and he lost his erection. This has never happened to me before, but I figured he was just tired from the party. He came over for dinner a couple of days later and pulled me into the bedroom while dinner was in the oven but when things got hot and heavy, he told me that he has 'performance problems' when he feels like he is in a relationship, and that he had felt that way since his birthday. He explained that this had been his misgiving all along (from a year ago) about being involved with me, and he had broken things off because he knew that we connected so well and that it would definitely be a 'relationship.' More recently he thought, because he was leaving, it would be okay ('casual'), but it doesn't feel casual to him. He told me that he thought we had been in with each other for a time. He apologized more than once "this is totally my hangup and not about you," I felt like he was being very honest and open with me. (He has taken Cialis in the past for this problem.) He stayed over (no sex). We left things that we would think about it and how we felt. The next afternoon, he e-mailed me that he had made an appointment with a urologist and a psychologist (he's sure the problem is psychological, based on his history). He also suggested that we not dwell on this, because 'grand conversations' are 'poisonous' to new relationships. Obviously if we had just met I would walk away. I don't have a need to 'fix' men. But we have a strong foundation of friendship: I know we're great together in non-sexual ways. And because we're friends, I trust that this is not some sort of complex game and I am amazed that we can talk about this so openly. I actually came out of last night feeling closer to him. Of course I don't want to be involved with a who is allergic to relationships. On the other hand, though I don't want for dating options, I don't think I have ever met anyone I clicked so well with. I don't know if it is worth waiting for him try to work through this thoughts? Rochester New York federal sex mature womanFolsom 24th bus stop this morning. adult social network
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