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It has been affecting my normal life. I constantly think about it the pros and cons of doing it and I think about it several times throughout the day. Perhaps to the point of overthinking something that shouldn't be a difficult decision to make. I did try the posting in the past and about two years ago I was emailing back and forth with a dude that seemed cool, but much more ready to jump in bed than me. After some time, we lost touch and didn't anymore. I'm sure he gave up on me, which I understand. About a month ago, I thought I was ready to move forward w/ meeting up w/ a dude and I posted another ad. Low and behold, I had a couple handfuls of replies, one of which was the dude I emailed with a couple years ago. He didn't know it was me from the past until I reminded him I remember his pics as he has a hot bod and is still living in the same area. He remembered me and said I was the one that wasn't ready yet. story short, I always feel there is a reason behind everything and perhaps he is the one I really should experiment with. I told him I didn't have any experience and he was/ is willing to show me the way. I just wish I could break loose and move forward with it. I can't figure out what's holding me back, and maybe that's where my confusion lies. Dudley North Carolina women wanting affairI don't trust people and my distrust has served me well. It sounds like your situation was a bit more sever than mine but you did have parents that stuck together. What you didn't mention, and your therapist should have touched upon, is that the rage your parents seemed to have towards you was likely a mask for their rage towards eachother. Do I have siblings? Yes. I have a younger sister that's still alive, an older sister that died a couple years ago. And I found out recently (for sure) that I have a half brother that's mentally defective and has been institutionalized his whole life. My older sister was also a sociopath. She could lie with a straight face, take advantage of anyone without remorse and project her guilt on a whim. A trait my ex also possesses. Dating since divorce? It's been interesting. I don't let people in very easy but when I have, I've been disappointed. As as I open up I am either judged or taken advantage of, or both. But this doesn't mean I lie or am disrespectful. I'm just cautious and that caution keeps me from getting screwed over. My childhood doesn't affect my adulthood as much as it does with others. My marriage isn't something I hold against future partners. I don't the emotion forward, despite what people here might think. I merely patterns in life and can extrapolate from past experiences how the present is and what the future be. I do have. One is like my ex so we don't talk. She got mad at me because I didn't want to go to a party she was having because all of her friends are drama queens. That was all it took for her to disown me. One of my other comes to me at least once a week, sometimes more and the other one visits every couple of months. He's very involved with his GF so he doesn't visit anyone very much. My own family I talk to my younger sister occasionally. And she's the only one in 20 years other than a 15 minute conversation with my dad who was on his death bed. discreet granny
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