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very lonely and bored CMR73, You say that you need to be more sensitive to her needs, but as others have pointed out, you seem to know exactly what her needs are and why she has these needs. What you actually need to work on is getting YOUR needs met. The way personal-needs work is that they flare up inconveniently when you try to push them aside. So even though you know she needs quiet time and you want to give it to her, something inside of you is likely begging for fulfillment and bothering you and and your girlfriend in order to get some relief. The most obvious answer is that you need someone to talk to. It or not be that simple. I'm guessing that if she is at all nice to be around, she is willing to listen to you to some extent. If you aren't actually rambling and it is only how she sees it, that is another problem entirely. But if you are continuing to ramble on, it be that the nervous energy you feel that is pushing you to ramble is actually asking for something different. It could be anything- exercise, sex, a creative project, a good cry, intellectual stimulation, a warm bath, only you can find out. Here are a couple experiments you can use to explore what some of your unmet needs are. When you're at work, notice how you feel and how it is different from when you are with your girlfriend. Notice how you feel at different times of the day. Notice how your body tells you that you need someone to talk to (or whatever that need might be).. tight shoulders? shortened breath? certain thoughts or images? tapping finger? Does the need increase throughout the day? Does it only happen when you get home? Is it always there? What can you do for yourself that doesn't push away the need, but quenches it? Second, when you get home and the rambling starts, allow it for a second then stop midway and ask yourself: What would make me feel completely fulfilled right now? Is talking relentlessly fulfilling or only allowing you to escape the need to be fulfilled? However you go about exploring your needs, do it. They won't go away any other way. It's not being selfish. Sometimes the best way to take care of someone you is to take care of yourself. Otherwise you drive you and her crazy at the same time. Best of luck married but lonely Pulford
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