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- get better unless you leave or tell him you want out unless this stops. That shock bring him around if not then in my opinion it's over. You have allowed him to control you like a puppet, disagree with me and I'm going to divorce you. He's destabilizing you on purpose, that keeps him in control of the situation. You are allowing him to do that to you and you know it. You just don't do that to someone you. I've been there, I've been played and it hurts. You all the things that are wonderful and you feel the but you know it's not being returned. You stay in this thing you lose what ever self respect you have left. It's time for him to show you through action he wants you. You stated that you know divorce is an eventuality, listen to your own words. I would continue with the action it's time for actions to speak for him. He'll seek what ever help he needs if he is serious. horny wives Gunnisonyes i suppose im just comingout of the in shock phase and am trying to what others have done in this situation and how they have fared etc. i took my wows very seriously "to have and to.. till etc.. "and i shouldnt have. I grew up more conservative i guess and she was a bit more liberal i dont know. i keep trying to rationalize my actions and her actions and i keep coming back to the same odd point. they should have a wedding wow disclaimer sentnce (i have an affair.. blah blah). like i said i grew upwith the standard model of a family "as seen on tv" loving wife, working husband, etc etc. and thats how i was raised. Thats what i expected. Her family was even more conservative then mine. Im glad for this forum and id like to thank everyone who made comments. I appreciate the advice. It has helped me in my resolve on what i should do and maybe a few approaches. I know some have lived through this in one way or another. I dont wish it for anyone its not cool. youre also right "whatsname" about the "ball-less wimp" that thought did come to mind but, im ok with my masculinity. i am strong. I it as more a breakdown of of the trust that i perceived existed, or was led to exist. getting on-the-side is not me, i know some folks could do that easily and maybe itll help them. but then what. i it as becoming an "i did this" and "you did this" argument, would that work, would it level the field of resentment? maybe. i think its going to depend on whether she wants an open marriage or repair of our existing. i think its going to be along road regardless. i was hoping for an emotional train ride with wonderful stops, instead i got the roller coaster ride. One sad tidbit in all of this is that i found out about this in the middle of a family medical emergency. So it was a double emotianal roller coaster in one day. oh well i think just writing here and reading some comments has givenme some strength. take care everyone. women searching for men
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