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looking for skiwakeboard buddy I understand where you're coming from. I've enjoyed crossdressing panty play since I was very (now 44). When I met my wife I was in one of my periodic "denial modes" thinking I could suppress those desires and be "normal". Well we all know that's not possible lol. We've been married for 15 years and I don't regret it for one second I her to death. I still have the to crossdress, wear panties and be submissive, but I married her for other reasons than to just be kinky. For years I thought about going outside the marriage, and admittedly did a couple of times, and that was the WRONG thing to do. Not only did I realize there is no satisfaction in it, because I couldn't share experience it with someone I cared about and loved, but it meant breaking the vows I took with her, which I just couldn't live with. So at this point I am slowly working to share some of these desires with her. It's not right that I just dump everything on her, because that would be neither fair to her or good for the situation I think. It was ME who was not open about these things when we first got married, so it is my responsibility to take it slowly with her and move at HER pace not mine. And I'm finding that she IS open to kinky play, at least at a beginner's stage, so there IS. And maybe, just maybe, there come a day where I am wearing panties serving her in the ways I've always dreamed of :) Sorry if this sounds like a confession, that wasn't my intent. I guess what I am saying is, don't just assume or rule things out just based on certain "conversations" you've had. Maybe it wasn't the right time, or maybe those conversations weren't in the right context. And remember there are ways to get to a solution. Start slowly and work steadily to your goal. Sometimes one thing leads to another, and the outcome actually turn into what you've been looking for :)
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