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I definitely prefer positive loving people and environments, and would rather make someones day than totally shit in their face but I've learned in this life a few things * Nothing is ever perfect in life, not even my mother * Your are your life. * Marriage is a commitment to each other and is sacred, even if it is not "traditional". * Some rules can be broken and forgiven, some cannot * If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all * Always choose your battles wisely you cannot win them all. * All people have addictions, some are just more hurtful than others, good and bad I didn't have much of a choice to ever live a "normal" life, the first time my step brother "showed me some stuff" was when I was only 6 years old but I have learned that everyone, including ones we and ones we don't even know can be so very hurtful its so much easier to tear someone down than lift them up was how they were taught. I know my soul is a loving caring committed fighting soul and thats what matters most, I'm going to find happiness someday. I would also never say a negative thing to someone who didn't deserve it so if you think you are entitled to give some shit then you better be prepared to back it up I've gotten a lot of training and experience from putting up with others Just be prepared when you have to answer to the one that matters most it doesn't matter what I think Thanks again want to find a down ass chicka book ed: "ADD Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life" I began reading this book to mentally prepare for a visit to my dad's place, to make the first dent in tackling the parental hoarding situation. I also discussed the dynamics of hoarding with a psychologist and read about it on-line. I've seen a few programs on TV. An actual hoarder needs to be dealt with differently than a normal person. Guilt, shame, nagging, complaining does not work. They have layers of rationalizations that don't make sense to a normal person. For example, a stack of newspapers might be ed "a work station". Mom refused to discuss the hoarding mess, she would disolve into tears and then not talk to us for 9 months if it was brought up. I agree with the person who said the outside mess is a reflection of chaos on the inside. This is a complicated mental illness, some cross between OCD, ADD, depression and such. When dealing with a couple like my parents, it is further complicated by his resistance to change (he's used to living in the mess), criticizing, and the co-dependent lack of boundaries set in place over a 60 year marriage. My mother passed in so we are now facing the hurdle and burden of the clean up process, with, respect and, a ton of and a lot of psychological tactics to approach this one step at a time. However, you said that the GF is NOT a full blown hoarder. So, reading the book is a good place to start. There are genuine tips in it that can be helpful to tackling a big mess. Book also covers concepts like overwhelm, micro-focus, setting priorities, etc. I prefer the strategy of tackling stuff strategiy rather than one enormous clean out. It be interesting to if GF takes any steps toward bringing better organization to her life. And I'd wait to if she goes to counseling. Learning how to organize her life greatly benefit both her and her. The question is, do you have the, respect and to want to go through this process with her? I you at least try. After all, sometimes people come into our lives to be a catalyst for change. However, if you are a super neat freak, or tend to complain to get a person's agreement or compliance, then I'd explain to the GF that you are opposites in this regard, it is a deal breaker. rich mature women
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