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Once again, I want to thank folks here for being supportive as I navigate the process of healing from the break-up I initiated about a month ago. I visit here every day and it is so helpful. (I know I haven't explained what the issue was. I'm finding it emotionally difficult to type out here. Thanks for your.) I asked my ex-partner not to contact me. Because I honor others' boundaries, it wouldn't occur to me to reach out to someone who said that to me. He left me a voicemail a week ago. I heard his voice, up, thought about it for a while, and deleted it unheard. I then kicked myself for a while wondering what he'd said. I've been working with my therapist, who affirmed my decision by saying hearing his voice would just reopen the wound, and reminded me that although it was hard wondering what he had said, it would have been harder had I listened. She gave me strategies for good self-care if that should happen again. Regardless of what he said in the voicemail, I know what the message was he misses me and wants me to come back, and sad though the situation is for both of us, that not happen. Today there was a card in the mail from him. He knows I am leaving on a week vacation camping, hiking, and visiting family and friends that includes my birthday. In fact, it was contemplating this trip that ultimately prompted me to make the break because I knew I didn't want him to come with me. So there was the envelope. I picked it up, ed a friend who could listen and give me helpful feedback, and then went out for errands. When I came home I was ready to open the envelope. It was a simple happy birthday note, just one sentence, and saying "-" before his signature. I could feel his heartbreak coming through the words and that is hard because he is a good guy who at this point still has a large piece of my heart. I'm glad I read it so I won't be wondering. Mentally, I said kind words honoring his pain. And I'm honoring my own efforts to move forward I'm getting better, because I didn't spin out. The card is in the recycling and I'm out the door tomorrow. There is nothing more healing than six days of camping solo in the redwoods. I am grateful for the ability to do that and for the people in my life who are cheering me on. Feeling blessed right now.
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