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I dated someone awhile back who was incredibly turned on by being choked and slapped in the face, and having her hair pulled. I later learned that she was previously beaten by a boyfriend when she tried to leave him he slapped her, dragged her around the room by the hair and, she said, strangled her with the intent to kill her. (Sorry if this is unpleasant, but there a point coming ) (And obviously, she escaped with her life, and fled that f*cker in San, making it up here to SF.) So I wondered why in the world she would want to incorporate those things into sex play? Well, pardon the amateur psycholoanlysis ('I'm not a shrink, but I play one on TV '), but my theory is that she took something terrifying, life-threatening, and processed it by sublimating it into an arousing sexual experience with someone she trusted, in a safe consensual setting. So in fact, this is a broader question about corporal punishment in general for instance, the way it was posed below by whoever said it's more exciting to have spanking (or whatever) administered as 'correction' for specific 'infractions' (with which I whole-heartedly agreee, btw :-). I wonder whether the masochists and subs among us (and I've been on that side in the past) crave punishment and other forms of correction becuase in essence we are seeking either to expiaste some real, deeply-seated guilt, or to process with sexual release some specific frightening or unpleasant event to whatever degree we are or aren't consciously aware of it. So I guess, put another way, if you were hurt or embarassed in the past and it was NOT YOUR FAULT you can 'own' it and take back control over it by processing iit with a lover under negotiated conditions. Get it? So in that light, maybe the question is, does the sub's for punishment, correction, etc., stem from something bad done to her/him, which was out of her/his control, and and a need to possess it take it back, in a sense by reprocessing it in a setting in which she/he is surrendering control? And if so, isn't that a fascinating paradox? :-) ~Z. hoping to find a awesome friendand it makes me worry that they'll come up with a that "fixes" queer people. I don't want to be drugged into being attracted to someone I wouldn't be naturally, just because that's the box I'm supposed to fit into. I like the box I have just fine, thank you very much. It's worrisome to me because people go through this "what's wrong with me" period and it would be horrible for a doc to say "yes, there is something wrong with you. Here, take this pill; it'll make you normal." Worse yet, I can it developing into a medication women can take while pregnant to prevent their from becoming. I read this book: The meadowlark sings Although I found a lot of it unbelievable (I much agree with the review) it brings up this disturbing question of what would happen if suddenly we could manipulate people chemiy to make them hetero. Eliminate all these shades of gray. I wonder how right-wingers who are anti-stem cell, anti-cloning, anti-abortion wouldn't have a problem "playing god" by wiping out queers. lonely chat
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