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I'm trying not to repeat myself over and over, trying to hide how shitty I feel, because I know it just push him away, or throw dirt in the face of what he's currently expressing to me. I really wish I weren't like this. :/ All I can do is "fake it til you make it," it seems like. All I can do is just act like everything's as it ought to be until it is. I'm just afraid I'll never let go, never be able to believe him for an extended period of time. And that it come up someday in an argument, try as I might to avoid that type of thing. It's a flaw of mine, dredging. :( Last night when we had sex, he wanted me to mount him and I couldn't bear the idea of doing so. I couldn't bear looking at him while crushing him with my weight and being "in control." I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I know all the right ways to tell OTHER people to confront and overcome these feelings, but when I tell myself these things, it all rings so hollow. I guess I just can't get away from myself, and I am my own merciless enemy. Isle of Lewis women fuckingbut it all depends on how far you want to go and what direction. I mean, maybe you don't want him bound maybe you just want him to serve you. Massage you, lick you, feed you grapes, pleasure you etc. I should be working today, but I'm having a hard time finding the motivation. Seems mrs_engineer and I had the start of some good sex last night we've been sick for 2 weeks but both were so horny we though the idea of teasing and play away quick for the idea of just getting off. I'm still horny this morning and having a hard time focusing. one night stand
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