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Is this most wonderful forum really this dead tonight? Fine. Then I'll throw out a question which, seriously, has vexed me for a while now. What is it about letting someone know that we're kinky that makes that other person somehow lose their mind and, more importantly, all sense of decorum, courtesy, and manners? Caveat: This is just the experience of an old gal, with old-fashioned tendencies, who happens to be a sub and isn't afraid to say so. I'm an odd duck even in this world of odd ducks, admittedly. I don't want fancy dinners or flowers. Yep, I too want the thorns. But does that preclude any attempt to get to know me as a person first? Does that automatiy mean that I want to be told, in the first message on Fet, or CM, or CL, that I am supposed to be the cum-dumpster or some other such silly crap? To me, to stand up and let others know what I am doesn't give them some path-of-least-resistance fast track to some pussy or realization of their fantasy. In fact, it's quite the opposite. We must talk a spell, whether online, over the phone, or in person. We must get to know one another, each deciding whether to take things to the next step. For my old and crotchetty ass, we must meet the criteria for a vanilla relationship first. And only then can the kink come into play. Caveat, part deux: I am not judging my friends who can engage in play after a bit of negotiation. Hell, I'm jealous that I can't do it! Sincerely, Mrs. Cleaver :) women wanting sex VispYou spoke up even though your tender heart was on the line. You stood up for sanity. You got a couple firsts out of the way You got hurt too. And though it sucks, sucks, sucks you got that first out of the way too. We've all been through it. Sucks, sucks, sucks But know what? It's a rite of passage, a stepping stone to a real relationship. No one picks the right guy fresh out of the gate. No one escapes the learning curve. Naturally, you feel like hell right now. Naturally, you have questions. You'll prob never answer them to your satisfaction. But in the end, it's strengthening maturing to realize we never *really* know what's going on with someone we've only known six months. That no matter what he said or did, it wasn't a waste for YOU; the good times were good for YOU; it was an experience YOU wanted; and YOU acted with integrity. I'm sorry you're hurt. YET, this wasn't good enough for you. He lacks self-honesty integrity. Going forward, I you decide those are the crucial qualities to look for in a partner. If you need a mourning period, take one. But don't make it too. It's a good time to turn to real friends and to focus on yourself your goals. don't have break-up sex with an insensitive, self-centered user: you'll only get hurt. don't stay friends with him either. He's not conscientious; he's demonstrated a willingness to exploit you, and you don't need that kind of friend. years from now you can be friends with him, but not now. Not while you're hurt vulnerable. Not until you're so thoroughly over him you don't care what he does or doesn't do with that woman. You'll be fine. You've taken a step down the path to a genuine relationship with a partner who values you. A step toward something better and knowing what qualities matter over the haul. Much depends on YOU valuing YOU. So after a few chick flicks with Haagendas, get moving. Throw yourself into enriching activities: an exercise routine, the class you always wanted to take, the mountain you want to climb this. Take your eyes off him and focus on YOU. You'll think of him and that's okay peace come. I promise. But use this energy to better YOUR life. You won't be sorry you did. black female models
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