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We met online and lived 8 hours away. So we saw each other on weekends. We talked for hours and hours on the phone and I thought I knew him. I kept journals throughout the years (7) and I am loathe to admit I saw the red flags but wanted so badly for him to be the one Years of therapy later, I can that my "learned helplessness", codependency and tendency to be a loving doormat were very attractive to an emotionally immature, controlling, outwardly arrogant but inwardly insecure with an inadequacy problems. Oh, and blond hair and big boobs probably didn't hurt. Now that I'm growing due to counseling, back in school and becoming more educated (psych, doesn't it figure?), the balance of power is shifting. We are a good match for some sort of odd friendship, but probably not marriage. As easy as it is to when someone needs to leave a marriage, I am finding it very difficult myself to take that plunge. I was single and lonely before but there is a difference. I am sparkly, not being conceited, it's just reality, but I attracted narcissistic princes back then. Hopefully, I won't anymore I think I'd rather be divorced, lonely, healing and available than married, intermittently miserable, lonely and unavailable for something better. swingers in MiddletownWhich he reminded me of the next morning, as I left for work. I was a wreck most of day, off balance from the night before and to make things worse, I felt like he had me under a microscope. Which he did, scrutinizing every reaction, examining the results of the previous night. He was rather satisfied with his handiwork. But I can the wheels turning, even still. And I am thinking to myself ."be careful what you wish for!" The following night, I made sure not to bring any work home and was rewarded with the only kind of orgasm I am allowed to have right now anal (naturally!) along with some yummy smacking and biting and pinning and threats. I finally collapsed under the onslaught of several waves of orgasms and offered up a whispered "Thank you, Daddy". He was inordinately pleased by that. He hadn't required it of me. Icing on the cake, I think he ed it. black female
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