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Hi. I just now discovered this forum and thought perhaps some of you guys could comment or offer some advice on this situation. I've been having an affair with a married for almost 12 years. I met him in No. while he was doing some work at my house and we began seeing each other on a regular basis for 7 years. 4 years ago he got a job offer in Sacramento and moved his family to CA. After a few months of phone s and and begging, he persuaded me to move here also. I didn't really want to, but I missed him, so I sold my house and moved. Between my moving expenses, his moving expenses, and buying him a new truck for his job (which he told his wife were all paid for by his employer), that move cost ME $75 thousand bucks. Now fast-forward 4 years to the present. He wants to move AGAIN, back to the east coast, to North, for yet another job that he thinks is great (I think it's mediocre when the moving expenses are factored in). And he's already starting hinting that he's wanting me to move again right along with him. The money itself isn't really the issue. I'm financially well-off and don't need to work, even though I do. What bothers me is that I'm feeling used, and feeling like I'm being dragged all over the country for a relationship that NEVER be anything more than it is right now fuck buddies. He has and has no nor intention of ending his marriage. After nearly 4 years being here, I've adjusted to it. I have a job and friends here, and a social life. I do not want to be living in boondocks of North with no life, and having my only m4m companionship to be a married so-ed straight guy once or twice a month. I also don't want to bear the expense and inconvenience of moving again. How can I delicately explain to him that I don't want to be with him anymore and he can go on to NC by himself? man who needs somebeing supportive, dufus. You assumed that since she said there was nothing you could do for her, then you should leave her to deal with this by herself. Women don't usually think that way. MEN do, but not women. Instead, women usually gravitate *towards* each other (or to understanding SOs) for emotional support; not close themselves off to be alone. Rule #1: DO NOT attempt to tell her what she should do to feel better. You're not Mr. Fixit; she doesn't want you to find solutions for her problems. She wants you to hold her hand, listen to her woes, let her cry on your shoulder, and hold her close. That's all. Rule #2: DO NOT blow off her emotions as unimportant, unrealistic, or counter-productive. Just let her vent, cry, complain, or bitch; while you stay out of the line of fire. Once she's vented, she'll calm down and feel better. Rule #3: Understand that "no, there's nothing you can do for me" means this: no, you're not a doctor and you can't fix this cancer for me. But I'm, and I don't want you to know how I am; so I'm going to tell you that you can't help, while at the same time I *expect* and *need* you to stand ready to catch me when it becomes too much to handle by myself. So yes, there's nothing you can do FOR me. But there's a whole lot you can do to make me feel better while I go through this by myself. Make sense? Send her flowers, make homemade goofy cards to tell her you're thinking of her, fix her favorite dinner, distract her with and other activities, buy her a bear, mow her lawn or rotate her tires for her, or text her for no reason other than to say I you or hear her voice, ask how she's feeling today, stuff like that. nsa affair
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