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1. I'm in a pseudo relationship. I'm not sure honestly if there is ever a *one*. I do think there are a series of primary relationships. This is that for me now, and I it continues and grows. She had me the morning after I met her in person the first time. She said something that made me "get" that she was thoughtful and insightful and paid attention. I felt she understood me. 2. I'm not sure it is ever one thing. I like solid, honest, sensitive, smart people who aren't afraid to self examine. 3. I am older. Olderer? Yes. I do think sex is the icing on the cake though. I need a good cake first. Sex is terrific but not having it isn't the end of the world. That being said, I expect to remain active. 4. We stick it out through thick and thin. We communicate, which is huge. It isn't always easy, and sometimes we get stuck a bit, but we are both willing to show up at the proverbial table and put ourselves out there. I prefer having an honest relationship, even though its often hard. Our biggest challenge is the distance and not finding a way to resolve that. What went wrong in prior relationships is the failure to be open and honest, and to hear and be heard.. mostly because it was hard. 20 year old blonde waitress at firesideYou give permission for what you allow. You have allowed him to be lazy about this relationship, and frankly, you sound more like his mother than his girlfriend. He knows you're not going anywhere, because you are soooooo in luuuuvvvvv. So far, you've treated him the way you want to be treated. So think of it this way: He has shown you the way HE wants to be treated. So give him what he wants. Stop with the 5 AM breakfast shit. Leave a box of Cheerios on the table if you're feeling generous. He starts to do his own laundry. Stop and grab your own dinner before you get home, and walk in already fed he's on his own for dinner. YOU ARE REWARDING HIM FOR TREATING YOUR POORLY. After all that, you STILL leave him and a sweet note?!? Talk about mixed messages!!!!!!! Stop pleading. Stop crying. Stop begging. Find some dignity and grow a spine. "Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be." And stop rewarding poor behavior! He does not FEEL what you are feeling. So make it easier for him to feel it. (This is a reason why I'm not a big fan of living together before marriage. Right now you have all the responsibilities of marriage, and absolutely none of the perks. How is this a win-win for you?) The other option is to simply walk, but you aren't going to do that. So your basic problem is this: You aren't going to change him unless he decides it's in his best interests to change. So either you put up and shut up, or you make it clear what the expectations are and follow through with consequences if they don't materialize. You're about 2 years and 51 weeks too late, but some CAN be taught. You are too to be this -'s maid and dog. horny black women
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