Rambling A over a year ago, I passed up the chance of having the one person I always wanted, because I wanted my freedom. I wanted just myself again, afer years of trying to love someone else, who was determined to erase my existence I guess we could say. I said mean, heartless things that I regret.I was drowning in mid air trying to the reality of everything happening around me, that I hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I think back to those conversations a lot of times I just want to cry, how could I let someone break me down so badly, that all I could say to the one person I actually loved was harsh, shattering words? How in the world did I let things get so out of control, that I couldnt even control myself? Then the hundreds of memories of the love I so wanted flashes through, its just.. a hurricane of mixed emotions.. Then I block everything out, its too overwhelming for me to deal with. Tears are not something I wish to shed. I couldnt apologize even though I want to, nothing I could say or do, could erase what I said and did. Time doesnt rewind, there are no do overs. All that because at the time, I wanted myself and my freedom. Well I got my freedom and myself. Turns out I've too much freedom these days. Most nights I lay awake with a thousand memories, words, or just random thoughts rambling through my mind, to fall asleep and dream of the love I once upon a time knew. I guess the upside is I dont dream every night, well not that i always re, but these days its that I sleep. Its crazy to me, that I gave up the chance because I wasnt exactly sure if what I believed I wanted was what I wanted or thoughts of someone else. Makes no sense im sure. But now that I've had this year to myself, the freedom of doing whatever I please, no one hounding me, or trying to change who I am, Ive realized a lot of things. Like that I always changed what I said I wanted in a guy over the years.. example "I don't like little guys I like bigger guys". Only I wasnt cl Array lonly women KoloufaniSlim and Are you that one gentleman who's looking to have a sexy eye by his side? If you are a gentleman, fun and mature stable contact me. 4 swingers West Danville Vermont big and b completely free online dating
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ca65 whys it hard to find a good girl in vta8:00. Wake up. Wonder where you are. 8:01. Realize you are lying on percent cotton sheets of at least a count, so don't panic; you're not slumming. 8:02. Realize you are actually in your own bed for a change. Wake stranger next to you and tell them you are late for work so won't be able to cook breakfast for them. Mutter "sorry" as you help him look for his far-flung underwear. You find out that you tore his boxers while ripping them off him last night, so you "-" him a pair of boxer-briefs, but not the new ones because you never intend to him again. 8:05. Tell the stranger, whose name eludes you, "It was fun. I'll give you a ," as you usher him out the door, avoiding his egregious morning-breath. 8:06. Crumple and dispose of the piece of paper with his telephone number on it when you get to the kitchen. 8:07. Make a high protein breakfast while watching the Today show. Wonder if the stories you've heard about Lauer are true. Decide they must be. 8:30. Italian or domestic? Decide to go with button Italian and the only shirt that is clean. 8:45. Climb into red Z4 and try not to look too much like driving one of her accessories as you pull out of your underground parking. Revos or Armanis? Go with Revos. 9:35. Stroll into office. 9:36. Close door to office and best friend and laugh about the guy who spent the night at your condo. Point out something annoying about best friend's boyfriend but quickly add "It doesn't matter what everyone thinks, just as as you him." 10:15. Leave office, telling your secretary you are "meeting with a client." Pretend not to notice her insubordinate roll of her eyes (or the cloying "poem" she has tacked to her cubicle wall). 10:30. Hair appointment for lowlights and cut. Purchase of Aveda anti-humectant pomade. 11:30. Run into personal trainer at gym. Pester him about getting you Human Growth Hormone. Spend 30 minutes talking to friends on your cell phone while using Strength machines, preparing a mental-matrix of which circuit parties everyone is going to and which are now passe. swingers wanting male
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