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Not some half assed in some ways but a true choice and direction. I am moving on. A statement of fact. Unless you've made that statement to yourself then there is no 'can't seem to' because you're not really trying. It's you don't want to. That means no looking back and wondering how to 'fix' it, it means leaving it in the past as part of the past. It really makes you full of shit you know when you start defending yourself about if you could you would. You don't get to make the statements you have here and then try and pull that shit. A commitment to moving on is not an easy choice, the shit doesn't just happen. It takes time to let go of all the thoughts of a future that doesn't include this ex. It takes reprogramming yourself and making it a priority. You're telling this new boyfriend a line now he's accepted that as part of getting to be with you but you are using him even if he's giving you the go ahead. When are you going to start developing some character? You're using him as a band aid and it's a distraction from the real task. You need to clean out these wounds before you try to scab them over. You're a twisted mess full of contradictions and the bullshit is catching up to you..that's all that happened the other day seeing the ex. You're act is failing and it left you reaching for your wish shit was something it isn't. Why don't you use this as a reason to go ask some honest questions of this shrink you say you're seeing? There's a shit load of books out there too and I can guarantee they don't say to do what you're doing. Why not admit what you've been doing hasn't worked and actually try a suggested route? Nah that would probably not fit into your 'he's changed' and 'he's so much better with me'. You'd have to give that up. Not seeing you doing that have fun on the go round. loving sincere man looking for long term
I mentioned finger painting as well. We also did a bdsm form of branding with a hot wood burning iron to stipple designs and words into her skin (and for the life of me I cannot up the name of this activity from my damaged -) I've also done it with food during a little cannibal play with my short lived cannibal kinking playmate I've experimented with creating words using pressure from shibari style rope work not too much success but I think with more work I might be able to form words in a fine spiders web of rope using fishing line or small twine and one time I used a coarse piece of rope to abrade (think rug burn) big blocky letters that spelled out "Pig Slut" mature ladies in Souk Ahrasall kinds of breaks. They were raw chocolate maccroons and all together were calories. It's just that "I can't beleive I at the whole thing" feeling that comes afterward that I don't like I'm not all the worried about the calories. And yes, I was indeed having fun and that's why I'm tired and be till the end of March. The gym AND preparing for 2 concerts and well the not fun part is work, but it beats the unemployment line. dating guy
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