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but i am "not a victim" talking gets me no where. though, when he messaged me earlier today he did say that he wants to take me on a trip to an and i am almost thinking about getting my hopes up. we have gone on lots of trip though, and they always end with me getting quiet and staring out the window because something he said was just crazy, and then he gets mad because i get quiet.. i dont know how to handle it. im not allowed to feel hurt or get upset and any time i do i am "not being supportive" when he needs me the most which is any time we have an issue. before he left this morning for his trip i told him that his temper was getting in the way and that i cant not be affected by his screaming or temper tantrums. my body physiy aches some times when he is around. he does work a lot but he wanted to do this to save money. 2 months later, guess how much money he has in the bank? $ + a week for 8 weeks = over 8 thousand. our rent is $ a month all utilities included. he is getting burned out for nothing. he doesn't have time to talk or the for me. which is why i turned here. i really dont know if i want to give up yet, but i dont know how to get him to how much his anger hurts me.. and how much his fibs make me want to confront him in front of people.. i feel like a phony already and i have to watch what i say around his parents because i dont know if his story aligns with the truth.. one women for a simple conversationI am a happily married in his mid-30's who needs some advice. About 12 years ago, just out of college, I was dating a girl with whom I was very open with sexually. We both had bi-curious fantasies and brought these fantasies into the bedroom. I would put on a wig while going down on her so she could look down and imagine a woman. She would put on a strap-on and let me blow her. She even worked it in my ass once when I asked her to. About 8 years ago, after we split up, I decided to try to bring my fantasies to a reality. I met a bisexual guy online and spent a weekend at his house. We got along really well and had a lot in common. But after the went down, things got uncomfortable. You, I don't really find men sexually attractive. I have no to kiss or hold a or feel his body. I just really want to put his warm, hard in my mouth and swallow his cum (if I know he is clean). So when nighttime came and it was time to get in bed together, it just felt wrong. I went with it though, hoping things would feel more natural as they progressed. He understood and didn't pressure me. He ended up blowing me twice (which I had to think about a woman to finish), but I just couldn't force myself to do anything back to him. The next morning he gave me a back rub, and he spent quite a bit of time playing with my asshole. I actually really got into that and secretly hoped he would stick his shaft in me, but I just couldn't get the words out of my mouth to tell him to. That ended with another blow job, and I left, angry at myself for not taking things further. We met one more time where I vowed to do more, but again, couldn't. I guess it just felt too personal. I think I don't want the, just his. I tried to talk to my wife about this when we were just dating, but to this day I wish I hadn't. She isn't very open minded and occasionally ridicules me about it. I guess I came here for someone to talk to about this. Maybe if it feels more normal to talk about, it feel more right to do. And is this fantasy worth risking my otherwise good marriage and family over? Or should I just keep it a fantasy? I would to hear some opinions on what I should do, and what is going on in my. These desires to suck a guy off are stronger than ever, but I'm still not sure I could go through with it. What do you think? I wish I could suck my own!! females looking for males
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