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After awhile, relationships are addictive. That can be a good thing when they're good and a terrible thing when they're abusive. I was in an abusive relationship/marriage that lasted 7 years. I should have left after 6 months, and I didn't. I regret that wasted time because it was very damaging to my self-esteem, though I am happy to say that my life has improved dramatiy in recent years with therapy and a heck of a lot of work on me. I worry that by sleeping with him occasionally and staying in a place where he can get a hold of you, you are never really allowing yourself to cauterize this oozing wound. I don't think you can start to move forward until he is out of the picture completely and for good. Why not change your number, change your, etc? I think that things start to feel better when you can admit that what you had was NOT good, because a good relationship is predictable most of the time. Sure, occasionally someone goes to the hospital or loses their job and freaks out a little, but it is NOT "good lover/friend one minute, sucking your bank account dry for the next." That's a user and a parasite. Those behaviors where he is a good lover/friend are what he NEEDS to do in order to keep you around to feed his addiction. Even if this have redeemable qualities, I don't think he sounds capable of being a good partner. This wish that he would die is you knowing you have to get out of this mess, but wanting someone (. fate, God, a dump truck) to do it for you. Unfortunately, YOU are the one who has to disentangle yourself from this mentally, because sadly, I suspect that even if he DID die, you would still be messed up in the head over him. Have you tried therapy? Have you tried books at the library over abusive relationships? There's a good one ed "But he never hit me." I know yours hit you (and mine hit me), but it does a good job of going into the damage that emotional can do to the victim's psyche. free chat with women from BengbuFirst I point out I was the very quiet kid in school who kept to himself. You would usually find me in the library during lunch. I was extremely shy until about age 17. However I didnt really come out of my shell till about 20. As for the corruption thing. It has been quite awhile. However the smoking thing really was an upfront thing. When I was younger it was the only thing that really turned me on. I told these women when I started dating them that it was quite a huge fetish for me, one I couldnt live without. It was their choice to smoke. Later yes it progressed. To things I wouldnt even do myself like drinking. Ive got women to dip. Ive had girls who let their mouths be ashtrays. Girls who go ass to mouth. Girls who watch videos of me with exs with me. Girls who let you pee in their mouth. Who want choked, cut. I tend to be driven towards types who have very strong personalities to how submissive they can become. I suppose its just a turn on for me to just what a person do and actually enjoy doing when they find their submissive side. I know people can say its a low self esteem thing with the women. But I have found the ones with low self esteem seem to be the least submissive and willing to try anything unusual. sexual encounters
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