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here's the up to the minute truth. i sent him an this afternoon (in response to his latest of flurry of wanting to rehash all of his grievances, tell me how much he loves me and hint at maybe coming back) where i basiy told him why i him and have felt confident about our, but that i was going to move on since he left me, but if he could get clear on what he wants and agree to counseling, he knew where to find me and perhaps, if i were still available and still had feelings for him blah blah blah. when i wrote the, it felt like i was being sort of vulnerable and stating my truth, but after i sent it, i felt sort of angry, and like you said that its maybe time to shut the door all the way on this no matter what. i know the part of me that's holding on is afraid he come around/change/be able to offer me all the great that i want (that he often is) and i have missed it because i shut the door. im really torn between thinking it doesn't harm me to say, you can reach out if you get your mind right, maybe ill still be here and saying done and done. which likely eventually lead to him reaching out and saying all the right things and ill have to just assume i cant trust him. he's not a sleeze or a d-bag. he knows he's conflicted and he knows he has to reconcile the part of him that wants to go and the part that wants to stay. i guess the fear is what i outlined above, that ill say no more forever and out on the of my life. its especially hard because he's so wonderful for much of the time, until he shuts down and runs away. it's just not cut and dry at least not to me. any ladies in fort bragg tonight looking for nsaSo I get up to take her all week come back to do all anything I can do with the house, blinds, ceiling fans, cleaning, but it was becoming more difficult because it requires decorating. I ended up running a telephone wire (50') across the living room which wasn't set up yet , to a bedroom the computer is in in order to have her internet up for class that evening. It was TEMPORARY.. I told her when she got home there are 3 choices, under the home, around the home or around the inside of the living room( only in the house). She flipped stormed out to get her daughter, I her jst to hear her say I haven't been doing enough I could have been working this whole time ( I actually have an offer from where she works they're doing reference background checks then I'm hired, she knows this)and she's been "taking care of me this whole time" so I leave. We talk later she keeps saying that I could have been working this whole time I was helping her 10-14 hours a day for a solid week. I've mowed her parents lawn, picked up supplies from Lowe's using her dad's truck, bought an air mattress so we could stay at the new house sooner, this while when I could daily, send resumes to jobs I qualify for via android phone. I conducted 3 interviews in Killeen as well, 1 I didn't get the job, 2 the pay was too low, 3rd is where she works that should come through because they do want me. I'm being ed a type of character she is not. Someone who works no matter what, takes anything, sells anything, to survive. I said I'm that type too but not to that actually point,,yet. But still no good, she faults me for it, says she want an equal. Then said we can live together when I get "back on my feet" which I agreed said I would. She then says she doesn't want any relationship with me ever. I busted my ass on a house that's not mine, spent endless amount of time with her that house. She to me, acts like she was paying my bills while I was up there working. She paid nothing I asked nothing from her, ever. She paid for most of my meals there a roof,only a roof really, over my head. married woman wants married man
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