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The only fault you have in this situation is not getting away fromm it sooner. You did not "cause" him to become violent and abusive. That was a decison that HE made, and he made it because he is a bully and felt he could get away with it. He's used up all his "Get Out of Jail Free" cards, in my book. I know it seems like a lot right now but consider this: Imagine what your life would be like without him right now! Peaceful. Calm. Your would not be witnessing violent rages and grow up thinking that this is how a loving treats his wife. He might have mental problems but you aren't a doctor, and he is making no moves towards getting well. What is your living situation? Renting? Own a home? If you rent, it's relatively easy you walk away. You need a plan. 1. Get the hell out, and do it with a plan. Find another place to live check with your church, for example, and if there is anyone willing to rent inexpensive housing to help out women until they get on their feet. My next door neighbor has been taking in tenants in a nice basement apartment with a separate entrance for several years, and they do it to help people who need a to re-group. 2. Once you find a new place to live, start moving things out that you fear would be destroyed. Do NOT get up on "things" things are nice, but they don't heal your face when you've gotten a black eye and a busted lip. Pack up stuff gradually scrapbooks, books, jewelry, knick-knacks and store them with a friend or at your work, if possible. 3. If you husband strikes you at any time while you are in this process, do not hesitate and have his butt arrested for and battery. 4. Talk to a family law attorney, and explain that you are seeking a divorce based on physical and mental cruelty. They have other suggestions, depending on whether or not you own or rent your home, restraining orders, etc. 5. Move. 6. Serve your husband with separation papers. 7. Declare bankruptcy. You're overwhelmed and no way to pay it off. This is what bankruptcy was designed for. Get some counseling, get a grip on spending and saving, get a buget, and get youself back on track with a fresh start. new to memphis cute swf looking for ltr w sbmI can relate to that. Hearing the mundane details from home really does help ease stress on the combat soldier. They don't need to be stressed about problems at home (which they can do nothing practical to fix), but hearing the normal joys and fears from home helps to give some perspective to their unfamiliar environment and routines. Army counselors told me to tell him about the normal stuff what I had for dinner, how I cooked it, how it tasted and smelled; what I wore to work that day, how I arranged the furniture, what books I'd read or I'd watched, conversations with friends, the who cut me off in traffic, and so on. Details sights, smells, sounds, tastes, feelings. I just think the debate around this birthday reminder varies because it *could* be taken either way as a stressor that he's required to remember (as if he doesn't have enough to worry about already), OR as a comforting connection with home and those he loves. Much depends on the context in which you delivered that reminder. Was it with a requirement that he respond or you'd be hurt; OR was it delivered as a part of describing your normal activities with no expectation for a response????? discreet chat
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