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Yes, your SO *CAN* sabotage you. Is it on purpose? Possibly. But what can you do? You have tried to stop bringing those things into the house, but he now "enables" you by circumventing your efforts. So when he brings in your soda, puncture the cans directly into the sink. Yes, dump it. Same thing with the sweets. Crush them in your hands and dump them in the garbage. And when he looks at you incredulously, simply look him in the eye and say "I you. However, you do not LISTEN to what I need. I *NEED* you to stop bringing these things into the house. I do not want them around, and I do not appreciate you trying to guilt me into eating them." "I say please, but you need to understand I am not asking. Please stop bringing them in." He could be sabotaging you because he fears if you get that rockin' bod back you find someone better looking than him. Ask him if this is the problem. looking to treat in BerkswellLemme tell you what this approach do for you: It REQUIRE the two of you to communicate and compromise about money, set goals together, hold each other accountable for shared expenses, AND to be responsible to your own finances. It's a training exercise to teach you both how to manage finances together so it doesn't become a wedge in your relationship. If either of you doesn't hold up your own responsibility, it's obvious where the problem is and it can be dealt with quickly and honestly, together. It also does not unfairly put a greater burden on either of you, nor allow one to freeload off the other. It also leaves you both with your own fair share of income to spend as you please, without accountability to the other BUT *WITH* accountability to yourself! You can't overspend what you don't have, and you couldn't spend it from the joint account without being caught with hands in the cookie jar. As you become more practiced and responsible to each other, the system morph into something more joint. If either of you is irresponsible, it naturally separate your finances as you pick out the offending parts from the joint account or joint expenses (they'll become discretionary AFTER all other bills are paid). Ideally, by the time you both become trained to this system, the way you each *think* about money (and therefore, spending habits) become very similar to each other’s. At that point, you need not be afraid of money breaking your marriage apart, and you can consider merging everything if it suits you. If the whole thing goes south and you break up, you have only to split what’s left in the joint account, and divide the savings. Your own accounts are safe. There’s my 2-cents. adult friender
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