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do you really want the truth you don t do you I dated someone awhile back who was incredibly turned on by being choked and slapped in the face, and having her hair pulled. I later learned that she was previously beaten by a boyfriend when she tried to leave him he slapped her, dragged her around the room by the hair and, she said, strangled her with the intent to kill her. (Sorry if this is unpleasant, but there a point coming ) (And obviously, she escaped with her life, and fled that f*cker in San, making it up here to SF.) So I wondered why in the world she would want to incorporate those things into sex play? Well, pardon the amateur psycholoanlysis ('I'm not a shrink, but I play one on TV '), but my theory is that she took something terrifying, life-threatening, and processed it by sublimating it into an arousing sexual experience with someone she trusted, in a safe consensual setting. So in fact, this is a broader question about corporal punishment in general for instance, the way it was posed below by whoever said it's more exciting to have spanking (or whatever) administered as 'correction' for specific 'infractions' (with which I whole-heartedly agreee, btw :-). I wonder whether the masochists and subs among us (and I've been on that side in the past) crave punishment and other forms of correction becuase in essence we are seeking either to expiaste some real, deeply-seated guilt, or to process with sexual release some specific frightening or unpleasant event to whatever degree we are or aren't consciously aware of it. So I guess, put another way, if you were hurt or embarassed in the past and it was NOT YOUR FAULT you can 'own' it and take back control over it by processing iit with a lover under negotiated conditions. Get it? So in that light, maybe the question is, does the sub's for punishment, correction, etc., stem from something bad done to her/him, which was out of her/his control, and and a need to possess it take it back, in a sense by reprocessing it in a setting in which she/he is surrendering control? And if so, isn't that a fascinating paradox? :-) ~Z. m lqqkn 4 mothers milk anr abf meeting
women seeking men Bradenton Beach Bare with me for a sec cuz I'm just thinking this out but I think people also forget that marriage is very different these days than it used to be. Gender rolls in western society were far more rigid. Men were expected to support their wives and financially and wives were expected to support their husband and emotionally/domestiy. Men were groomed to be the "men of the house" and women were groomed to be "good wives and mothers." I think a lot of the problems with marriage today stem from a blurring of those rolls and people having to define their marriages for themselves with a LOT more gray area. It's WONDERFUL but also very confusing. Particularly since most people are unaware of just how much the feminist movement has changed our society as a whole. It's kind of nice to think that men of my generation actually think that women are their equals. It's still happening though and things are still be ironed out. Both of your examples prove my point. "Men need to help more" -> Indicative that the male gender roll still hasn't quite solidified to be "obvious" that men need to also do things traditionally thought of as a wife's roll. The need to keep dating their spouse, I think, is fallout from the fact that women are now able to walk away from marriage without being social pariahs. They have a lot more choices (choices traditionally reserved to men) and though it's a touchy subject it's not nearly as acceptable for husbands to rape their wives. The "not enough sex" issue and cheating has been a millenia arguement so not so new. Men have been keeping mistresses for as as there were "monogamous" relationships. What I think is interesting is that men are less able to go outside of their relationships without their wives/gf's leaving them and SO it also leaves a certain amount of responsibility on the part of the women to try and keep their menfolk happy. Again fallout from the blurring of gender rolls. Where women were previously more dependent and unable to leave in a lot of situations or chose to turn a blind eye, we more and more this cheating is unacceptable so now what? situation. over 40 swingers in Lavradas Coal Hill Arkansas horney girls
excellent point. in addition, read carefully: you do pick the women you date. if you didn't, then you'd be with the first wierdo that oogled you. if you didn't pick your partner, then you are either: a) attracted to every single female on earth, or b) you'd be in relationships with people you are not attracted to. I'm going to go out on a limb here by saying that the none of the above criteria apply to you; hence you are choosing. secondly, you need to understand that patterns exist, with all of us, in the way we determine who we date and how we behave with others. we are not consciously aware of these patterns most of the time the qualities we are attracted in a mate stem from the way we were parented; very often in relationships, partners act out certain behaviors that went unresolved in childhood you don't have to be dysfunctional to do this (we all have unresolved issues from childhood, some to a higher degree than others and we all, in some fashion, act them out). we are not consciously aware that we are behaving this way! the point is that the particular women you are choosing, all share certain characteristics and . you are subconsciously picking these. I don't know why you are picking them, you probably don't know why you are picking them, but you are picking them. if you practiced some introspection, you might realize why it's complicated, not an easy answer but not impossible to determine. it is not necessary to come to terms with why you are choosing a certain type of person, what is important is an awareness of your own behavior, and the consequences thereof. it is the first step in promoting change which can result in more satisfying relationships. Coal Hill Arkansas horney girls over 40 swingers in Lavradas
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