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Upon reading some newer posts, I that my graphic depictions were unnecessary, as you are also a survivor of childhood sexual. I'm sorry that happened to you, and I do understand (I'm a survivor myself). One last piece of advice is to stop equating BJ's with. I received extreme praise for my oral skills, but truth is, I hated giving oral. Flashbacks. Revulsion. Severe discomfort. But as with childhood, I'd choke it back and perform. It sucked (what a dumb thing to say duh!). Imagine sitting down to a great meal. You like roast beef, she's a vegan. You keep trying to persuade her to eat meat, and she resents it. You don't understand. You're willing to eat her vegan foods. Why won't she show her for you by eating yours? Sometimes, it's just a matter of taste. don't force your taste on her, or interpret different preferences to mean lack of. Final thought: How would you feel if she performed like I did, if you knew that she felt the same way about performing as I did? Would you press forward, or drop the matter? looking for inexperienced cutie that is looking to gain experiencethinks differ, but it doesn't mean she's not dominant. For example, if what I thought of as a "dominant" was a someone who would cut my clothes off with a knife, tie me up, and fuck me until tear streamed down my face, would I find someone who chose my clothing, ordered for me when we went out to eat, and had me move about the house naked lacking in dominance? Sometimes a for power exchange can manifest in particular fantasies we come to associate with evidence of another person "being dominant", and if someone doesn't order us to do the specific act we've fantasized about it could seem as if they are not fulfilling the role we've cast them in. Please realize, whatever you have fantasized about power exchange, aspects are quite possible, but not be the inherent of the dominant. You need to clarify what it is you want. Would you be/feel satisfied, for example, if you were with a professional dominatrix, explained your fantasy to her, and she played it out with you, including all of the delicious details you've hoped to find in a prospective partner? If so, you can likely find someone to satisfy them for you. If you are expecting a prospective partner to come preloaded with all, or even some. of your sexual and/or power exchange fantasies, your search could be quite lengthy. Find someone likely, who you can trust and talk with openly, develop a mutually respectful relationship, and share your fantasies. Be specific. Tell her what you've enjoyed watching and reading about, point her toward some stories or porn you find powerful examples of what works for your body and, and tell her what you don't think you'd like and what you find totally unappealing or frightening. The only way to get what you want is to talk about it, or keep hoping for miracles. big woman
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