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I dated someone awhile back who was incredibly turned on by being choked and slapped in the face, and having her hair pulled. I later learned that she was previously beaten by a boyfriend when she tried to leave him he slapped her, dragged her around the room by the hair and, she said, strangled her with the intent to kill her. (Sorry if this is unpleasant, but there a point coming ) (And obviously, she escaped with her life, and fled that f*cker in San, making it up here to SF.) So I wondered why in the world she would want to incorporate those things into sex play? Well, pardon the amateur psycholoanlysis ('I'm not a shrink, but I play one on TV '), but my theory is that she took something terrifying, life-threatening, and processed it by sublimating it into an arousing sexual experience with someone she trusted, in a safe consensual setting. So in fact, this is a broader question about corporal punishment in general for instance, the way it was posed below by whoever said it's more exciting to have spanking (or whatever) administered as 'correction' for specific 'infractions' (with which I whole-heartedly agreee, btw :-). I wonder whether the masochists and subs among us (and I've been on that side in the past) crave punishment and other forms of correction becuase in essence we are seeking either to expiaste some real, deeply-seated guilt, or to process with sexual release some specific frightening or unpleasant event to whatever degree we are or aren't consciously aware of it. So I guess, put another way, if you were hurt or embarassed in the past and it was NOT YOUR FAULT you can 'own' it and take back control over it by processing iit with a lover under negotiated conditions. Get it? So in that light, maybe the question is, does the sub's for punishment, correction, etc., stem from something bad done to her/him, which was out of her/his control, and and a need to possess it take it back, in a sense by reprocessing it in a setting in which she/he is surrendering control? And if so, isn't that a fascinating paradox? :-) ~Z. artsy buxom sexy Mesa wantedexcellent point. in addition, read carefully: you do pick the women you date. if you didn't, then you'd be with the first wierdo that oogled you. if you didn't pick your partner, then you are either: a) attracted to every single female on earth, or b) you'd be in relationships with people you are not attracted to. I'm going to go out on a limb here by saying that the none of the above criteria apply to you; hence you are choosing. secondly, you need to understand that patterns exist, with all of us, in the way we determine who we date and how we behave with others. we are not consciously aware of these patterns most of the time the qualities we are attracted in a mate stem from the way we were parented; very often in relationships, partners act out certain behaviors that went unresolved in childhood you don't have to be dysfunctional to do this (we all have unresolved issues from childhood, some to a higher degree than others and we all, in some fashion, act them out). we are not consciously aware that we are behaving this way! the point is that the particular women you are choosing, all share certain characteristics and . you are subconsciously picking these. I don't know why you are picking them, you probably don't know why you are picking them, but you are picking them. if you practiced some introspection, you might realize why it's complicated, not an easy answer but not impossible to determine. it is not necessary to come to terms with why you are choosing a certain type of person, what is important is an awareness of your own behavior, and the consequences thereof. it is the first step in promoting change which can result in more satisfying relationships. old man sex
looking for a long term relationship with a real gentleman Back when the steel industry crumbled the role reversals started to take effect since Sweden also had a strong textile industry. There have been TV programs talking about this role reversal in Sweden, its been going on for years. It didn't effect my direct family because they have always been in the fishing industry. I have tow friends in Monsteros that are stay at home Dads. The situation has improved since the 70's.
looking for nsa today bbws Goldsboro Good news is it is steadily getting better. Someday I be able to bite the bullet and swan dive into a crowd but it takes small steps. That is much how I have had to deal with all the other aspects of being nuts. small swan dives here and there.
personals ads Zigula Put aside any consideration of what he wants, needs, or feels obligated to do. If it feels right to him, then do it. If it feels better to have no contact, then choose to have no contact., bad decisions stem from a misplaced sense of obligation. I had a guy break up with me then quickly move in with someone. A few months later, the ex asked me to accompany him to have a pet put to sleep. He said he could really use the emotional support at a tough time. This guy dumped me, started sleeping with another almost immediately, but wanted me to support him at an emotional time. I am proud that I was enough to realize that accompanying him to the vet would have been a bad choice for me at that time. I did not go. Some people thought I was mean. So be it. fuck Maydena woman
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