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If you are so concerned for his wellbeing, and agonizing over how unfair it is that the courts take so much of his money away, AND Oh you HATE court dates Then you need only write him a check to refund him whatever portion of support you feel is unfairly being given to you. BUT If you were to do that, you would avoid the drama of the courts that you OHHH HATE sooooooo much. And, you would not have the state holding these huge debts over his head The state would just show that he paid Not that you returned the payments directly to him. So, you enjoy the drama. And, you enjoy holding the back pay over his head. Tell me Do you also enjoy going over to his house and making this "poor disabled -" bark like a dog on his hands and knees for you so that you continue playing your games against his other ex? bicurious female looking to experimentputting this out to the cyber world My husband and I are still legally married though he is staying with family in another town. We have a month old. Until the was born, I worked full time, then when he was born, I went to per-diem (rarely scheduled) at my work to take care of the and run his business from home. In February I caught him perusing on dating websites. In March he decides to not live at our house, leave me with the, tell me to find a job to make part of the rent, but never be around to watch the. He works 48 hours on, 48 hours off. He's still on dating websites, has me financially bound but won't file paperwork, says I need to go to counseling to fix my "anger issues." All I want is for him to come home to work on our relationship. The bills are piling up but instead of him coming home, he takes his entire paycheck to Vegas. This is 40 years old, and I'm 26. The funny thing is, he went out on a "date" tonight. But the person he went to doesn't exist it's me, texting him from a different number. Needless to say he got stood up. But it was enlightening to that he can suddenly draw baths, cook dinner and give massages to some complete stranger but his wife and are at home waiting for him. My requests for him to come home to his FAMILY don't work. He hasn't signed on the dotted line to finish us but drives to timbukto to get laid. (oh and he does owe 20G in back support and makes 3G a month yet lives paycheck to paycheck.) He won't be getting a lot of responses on dating websites I've seen to that. Do I: give him his space, stay out of his hair, let him that it's not all puppies and rainbows out there? Or take matters into my own hands and file? But what options could I have? He's already broke off, and doesn't seem to register in his mind that he's older and has a family home. Even if I filed for divorce, I don't even know what's out there for me. But I don't want to lose my husband, and I wonder if he'll come to his senses if I don't beg him to come home and work with me. HELP! women wants sex
country boy seeking love Lemme tell you what this approach do for you: It REQUIRE the two of you to communicate and compromise about money, set goals together, hold each other accountable for shared expenses, AND to be responsible to your own finances. It's a training exercise to teach you both how to manage finances together so it doesn't become a wedge in your relationship. If either of you doesn't hold up your own responsibility, it's obvious where the problem is and it can be dealt with quickly and honestly, together. It also does not unfairly put a greater burden on either of you, nor allow one to freeload off the other. It also leaves you both with your own fair share of income to spend as you please, without accountability to the other BUT *WITH* accountability to yourself! You can't overspend what you don't have, and you couldn't spend it from the joint account without being caught with hands in the cookie jar. As you become more practiced and responsible to each other, the system morph into something more joint. If either of you is irresponsible, it naturally separate your finances as you pick out the offending parts from the joint account or joint expenses (they'll become discretionary AFTER all other bills are paid). Ideally, by the time you both become trained to this system, the way you each *think* about money (and therefore, spending habits) become very similar to each other’s. At that point, you need not be afraid of money breaking your marriage apart, and you can consider merging everything if it suits you. If the whole thing goes south and you break up, you have only to split what’s left in the joint account, and divide the savings. Your own accounts are safe. There’s my 2-cents.
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