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I want something that I don't want to want because I think I shouldn't want it since most people don't. I feel like my to be inferior to a woman is based on some psychological problem I have that makes me want to be inferior and makes me unable to succeed at things in real life. I don't want to be inferior to anyone, nor superior specifiy. When I was younger, I used to watch Trek the next generation. I wanted to be like the android Data completely devoid of the burdens of emotion (and later able to turn them on and off at -), unaging, essentially immortal and fully self-perpetuating and independent. Those wishes eventually morphed into a to be a simple watcher of the world, to life on the sidelines but not to interfere, almost like a ghost. Later that morphed again into the to experience peace, freedom, and to be completely independent and separate from the rest of the world but not isolated from it. I don't fully understand why you have ed me a selfish prick twice, but I understand that you perceive me as selfish because I have verbally focused on my desires instead of saying things like "I want only to serve/please XX person and to know what they want me to do, etc.." which would suggest I am more flexible in how the woman would use me to gratify her desires. However, I am not like that because I do not feel that of those bdsm methods fit me personally. I would never want to be with a professional sexual partner/dom/etc. because that completely eliminates the entire concept of ironic reality that I am both trying to avoid and trying to completely immerse myself in at the same time. I know I'm confusing. I confuse myself. If I was sure of what I really wanted and thought I could actually accomplish it, I would probably try to do so. What that comes right back down to is a lack of self-confidence. Bayamon blonde swingers
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