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You thought I was speaking sarcastiy (I wasn't particularly, but I'm flattered that you'd think so). I think both sides are right. I think the OP is trying to have a weird, untenable split between people, where ordinary straight folks are unforgiving and misunderstanding, intolerant, etc. but lesbians are somehow "supposed" to be different and welcoming and. But that doesn't make any sense at all like I said, lesbians are regular folks, and regular folks feel flattered and safe when they are surrounded by people who look and act like them. This isn't inherently bad, but it is a precarious position, because it can easily slide into becoming hostile or unfriendly to people who don't provide that comfort through similarity. And then we start slipping into the realm of douchebaggery. The way I it, if you don't like this particular flavor of douchiness, you can make a conscious effort to avoid it in yourself do your best to understand other people on their own terms, look for points of similarity that allow you to relate to them and understand them but also bear in mind what makes them different. But of course the minute you try to force other people to stop being douchey in this way by censuring them or rejecting them, you're coming very close to doing exactly what pissed you off so bad in the first place! So I think you're right. The best way to do that that I've figured out so far is to lead by example. Command respect by having it in yourself and telegraphing that to other people simply through being confident and self-assured. Recognize that even the douchey people can rise to the occasion under the right circumstances (and do your best to figure out what those are for each person and bring out the best in them). At any rate, all that is dang hard (at least for me I know it comes more naturally to some folks), which is to say that one always be disappointed in oneself and others. But this is why people like being around good, solid people so much restores one's in humanity, makes one want to be better. It's like cultivating a little garden of awesome all around oneself. sports lover wantedWhen you have held up a small cardboard alphabet card for a writer who is completely non speaking and non moving (except for the eyes), and pointed first to the A, then the B, then C, then D, until you get to the first letter of the first word of the first line of the poem she has been composing in her head all week, and she lifts her eyes when that letter is touched to say yes, you feel with a fresh immediacy the human drive for creation, self-expression, accuracy, honesty and wit and the importance of writing, which celebrates the value of each person's unique story and. So the prospect of a of books seemed wonderful to me. I thought of the opportunity to talk about how to start up an outreach program. I thought of the to sell some books, sign some books and meet some of the citizens of Washington, DC. I thought that I could try to find a way, even as your guest, with respect, to speak about my deep feeling that we should not have invaded, and to declare my belief that the wish to invade another culture and another country with the resultant loss of life and limb for our brave soldiers, and for the noncombatants in their home terrain did not come out of our democracy but was instead a decision made "at the top" and forced on the people by distorted language, and by untruths. I hoped to express the fear that we have begun to live in the shadows of tyranny and religious chauvinism the opposites of the, tolerance and diversity our nation aspires to. I tried to my way clear to attend the in order to bear witness as an American who loves her country and its principles and its writing against this undeclared and devastating. But I could not face the idea of breaking bread with you. I knew that if I sat down to eat with you, it would feel to me as if I were condoning what I to be the wild, highhanded actions of the Bush Administration. What kept coming to the fore of my mind was that I would be taking food from the hand of the First who represents the Administration that unleashed this and that wills its continuation, even to the extent of permitting "extraordinary rendition": flying people to other countries where they be tortured for us. single women dating
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