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Ask The Expert: ‘Am I undatable because I’m HIV+?’ Kort By Kort, relationship expert 11:00am EDT Question: I have a good job. I am athletic and health oriented. I am the boy next door. I live right outside of one of the largest and gayest cities in the world. I have awesome family and friends. Oh, and I happen to have HIV. Because of the latter, all the other traits I can bring to the table seem not to matter when it comes to dating. I have tried HIV dating websites and social events but I have been unsuccessful. Since my status does not define me and I do not like limiting myself to just HIV+ guys, I am open to dating anyone who fits into what I look for in a. Although the statistics amongst urban males regarding HIV seem like this would not be an issue in , it still is. My question is how do I deal with HIV stigma and dating without giving up? Signed, Seriously single and losing. Dear SSLH, I that you do not define yourself by your health status! Leading with who you are as a person rather than your health status as your primary image of yourself is going to shape your dating experiences. Using one’s status as an excuse or feeling victimized by it is a recipe for poor self-esteem and bad dating experiences. I agree that even in the HIV stigma exists among men—and straight men and women as well for that matter. I had a client who is very handsome, physiy in great shape with everything a partner could want in a in terms of both looks and personality. He experimented on dating sites by posting two different profiles; one, which doesn’t mention his HIV status, and one that does. He received more inquiries than he can handle when he left his HIV status off and considerably less when he added it to his information. FULL STORY: Metairie boy looking for a friendIm having trouble telling whether I am just panicking or if I need to leave my SO. Im 27, we have been together since we started college. Its been 8 years. Minimal fighting, only one breakup, last year for a few weeks. Overall, its been smooth sailing. He is what every woman searches for, essentially: Honest, educated, caring, in shape, faithful, loving, great in bed We started out having tons of fun together studying and stuff. Graduated. Started working. We both started Graduate programs and have almost finished them. Its been hard work this whole time with everything. And since our breakup last year, I know he is fast-tracking a proposal shit, its been 8 years for christ's sake. But now I am panicking. I cant stop wondering what it would be like to walk away from this, try something or someone new I feel like I have been with him so, that I dont have the ability to have anything to measure against I have lost my bearings on what it felt like to be just me. I have become the proverbial 'we'. I find myself daydreaming about picking up and leaving. Is this a normal battle that all have to face an lifetime with one person? Or is he just not right? Bottom line is that I'm bored, in a lull, uninterested in all things his, except sex, which remains great. Despite all his amazing strengths, I wish he cared more about being social, romantic and creative. I want to be excited but I'm just, not. He's really great about everyday stuff dinner, walking the dog, laundry and all that. But he does not do well with romance or spontaneity. He doesnt like my friends. He doesnt really have his own. It was my birthday a few months ago and he didnt do anything really. After our breakup being so recent, I had gotten my expectations up a little. Whenever I think about ending it, I stop and imagine his life without me and then I feel like complete shit because I am his single most favorite thing in the world, to put it lightly. Advice? dating women
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