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I make no excuse for spnynx's gender bias, as I've yet to any indication of it. Beware that eye roll, didn't your mother ever warn you they might get stuck that way? @@ So, forgiving her means giving her a free pass? She cheated must be taught a lesson? If he doesn't divorce her, she'll never learn? So, it's a public service? Well, anyone issuing a hard spanking should make damned sure their own hands are clean. He continually overrode her pleas for his time, giving himself a free pass to be for 1 year, starting 2 months after marriage, after 4 years of co-mingling families. Break that down by weeks, days, minutes/seconds; I'll leave the dramatics to a courtroom, or someone who loves math/has a calculator. Sphynx argued that his actions were tantamount to a bait switch. His DW repeatedly articulated her objections; he overrode her. It's as if changing her status from SO to spouse actually devalued her standing in his eyes. In frustration, she turned elsewhere, which was % wrong. But to be fair, he played a part in the harsh, but not unpredictable blow back. He didn't cause it, but he was a factor, and he owns this, as she owns her shit, which is a good start. He thought he had her tied down. She wasn't going anywhere. He could throw it in her face (and probably did) that he supported her in her dream, so she owed him. I say, that's apples oranges. Hers required far less time, she probably tended to the while doing it. It's hardly the same thing. Their top priority is to tend to the relationship, like 2 birds nurturing defending their nest, especially when little ones are nestled within. Marriage is no free pass. If anything, the stakes are even higher. Have they reached a point of no return? The OP's is that they can save this. You say they not only can't, but shouldn't. NOW who's showing a bias? I'm with the OP in hoping they can. Counselors follow THE CLIENT'S lead, not their own personal feelings/biases. Ignoring your SO. Bad. Ignoring your spouse. Worse. A wo/- is like a garden. Tend to it, it'll be more than happy to feed you. Ignore it, it'll get away from you. stranger fantasy want to be watched"got nothing to offer " If that's what you really think it's probably what you unconsciously project and at some level she picks it up and knows you're not the for her. That needs to change before you meet the next woman that you want to have a relationship with, because you. As far as I can there's no future now or ever with this one. She's made up her mind. Women are more complex than we guys are. Read between the lines. I think "What we have is fine " is just a variation on the famous breakup line "It's not you, it's me." The only way there might be even the remotest possibility of her thinking twice would be if you walked away. That is walked away and REALLY MEANT IT, not walked away with one eye sneaking a peek backward to if she noticed. I think of the biblical story in of Lot's wife who looked back at Sodom as they fled and was turned into a pillar of salt. That's you if you look back. her tomorrow and tell her? I don't know. Why not just stop ing, texting, seeing, and move on and not bother seeing her to tell her. It's not like there's a real relationship here. But I'm not sure on that one. What do others here think? casual encounter
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