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* Sounds like a form of acceptance of 'this is not the life i envisioned for myself,' from him. He feels stuck, overwhelmed and helpless, sad that things not change. He has no more goals to believe in himself with, so he has a roof, food, and hours a day with sleep -TV, to just drop out of life and not try anymore Depression. He has also probably let his body go and just shoveling crap empty food s inside now Once, you were everything to him, a partner, a lover, a team mate to work hard and make feel loved, safe and important and that you mattered to him He has chosen not to and live that life of actions and words with you now a choice. * You can accept. ** He need professional help, words or medication to improve himself. ' through sickness and health.' ** You can pretend your married and go be superwoman and have your own outside full life of activities and friends. *** You can take one person therapy council and how thoughts and work assignments might be able to help a bit, until he wants to wake up, shake the rust off and live again Sounds like you need a clean and clear letter written and set aside for him, while you go take a weekend away and tell him if certain actions are not taken in a certain amount of time, then alone and all the financial crap of going your own ways is what next springtime has in store for you looking to do favorsSo, the other day bf and I had a discussion about $$ and who should pay for what. My point was that, as I do not have an ownership stake in his home (I pay rent), I shouldn't have to pay for things like upkeep and improvements to the home. BF agreed and that was that. But his response didn't sit right with me because it was clear that he hadn't really EVER considered WHEN we might be joining finances, becoming a "team" and, well, committing to togetherness for the term. And me being me, after a day or two of worrying/wondering about it, I broached the subject of term togetherness with BF. Frankly, I thought we HAD committed to that when we agreed to move in together, but that BF needed a few months to make sure that, under the same roof, we all worked well together. He and I are very, very happy with each other. He told me, when I couldn't stop myself from raising the issue of "what about the, term do you us together? Is that what you want?" that I was the best thing to ever happen to him and that he didn't want to "push me away" with his failure to act/plan for the future. He can't quite articulate just WHAT he needs or wants for the future. He just keeps saying that he's not accustomed to thinking about his future and that doing so makes him very anxious (he has anxiety issues anyway). From my point of view, at this point in our relationship, seeing a future together should fill him with happiness, not anxiety. He's going to make an appt with his therapist to if he can work through his issues. In the meantime, I'm not sure what to do. I am afraid of what the therapy turn up, but that's not rational if the therapy reveals some deep-seated crap, it's better to know that now, right? If it's just not ever going to happen, I need to know that, too. I feel very passive right now, but I've stated my piece and need to let him figure out HIS plans and desires. I don't think there's anything I can do. I guess I'm just anxious where, a week ago, I would have said I was feeling very secure. Damn. sex with a married woman
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