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I have been married for over twenty years and have teenage. It’s got to a point where I have given up on the marriage. Over the years, everyday I am constantly putting up a wall to stop having a argument which can last weeks. As as I relax and lower my wall, the fighting starts again and she becomes verbally abusive again. I am constantly thinking that it get better. I do not know if she has had or is in another relationship but I got to a point where I do not trust her. This has come from her actions and lies I believe she has said during our arguments. When we have sex, it feels as if I make all the effort. A blow up doll effect and no communication takes part. It always feels like hurry up and finish. If she had her way it would be always no penetration, lights out, hiding under the blanket. A lot of the times I know when we going to have sex.She’s all smiles during the evening and 90% of the times I know she wants something after the other 10% she has pulled the wool over my eyes and I did not figure it out what she was after. Sex is one problem, but we are not intimate during our daily routines. times I have thought of leaving, being close to 50, I some times think that life is over and be alone the rest of life. I have always tried to do everything with the family and do not have close friends to confide in. Most of my close friends are in other countries. I read that people have affairs to cope. I am very straight and do not believe I could do that and keep it a secret. This week is the final straw, I now have decided to bite the bullet and separate. Where to start and how to do it is where I am lost. I am much a hands on with everything I do. I remember when I was much younger, had all my close friends around me, I would say that if I ever get divorced I would walk away and give everything to her. It feels that is not the case now twenty years later. All talk then, no action now.
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