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No one ever messes with a guy driving an elephant So after a while of being on here and meeting people I think I've figured out exactly what I want!
* Please make sure you'e willing to text me all the time but never show up anytime we actually set up to go out. I really think it's hot when you continue to text me and tell me you really want to go out, but then magiy dissapear when I ask you out, then pop up again when you're "not busy"
* Please be married and ask me to be your back up plan in case something happens to fall through with your husband. I'm so glad you thought enough of me to place on the backburner and tell me about your little secret after a month.
* As a pre-requisite, please make sure to read every self help book you can find and spend the entire time we are together letting me know what is wrong with my life. I cherish the thought that even though I'm a therapist, you feel that those books that generalize people and relationships into 5 categories are much more adapt at running my life then I am.
* Please make sure to spend an entire weekend texting me about how wonderful you think I am and how great a time you are having with me and how much you miss me and want to see me again and then on Monday get really upset and say that I'm taking things too fast when I ask you if you want to go out later that night. It's even better that you never talked to me again despite the fact that you were the one who suggested over the weekend that we should go out! You were right, I did move to fast in thinking that you were actually a decent person.
* Please be in debt and have recently been in an accident which you caused. I really like it when a girl tells you on the first date she will go home with you if you happen to want to help her out with her drunk driving fines.
*Please be bitter about your last breakup and blame me for everything that idiot did. He and I are so alike, I guess I can't blame you for it thou hot straight guy in San Jose CaliforniaCAN YOU PLAY THE GUITAR? Let's make music. w4m I don't play an instrument, but I have an ok voice and I am trying to get into writing country songs. This would just something like a hobby..I'm not trying to start a band or anything. Just trying to make a new friend ( maybe learn how to play a 6 string), and make some music together. Benidorm mature women looking for sex sex friend
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flight from strapon personals to Salisbury "- DeLucci and the Miracle of Life." One morning around 5 am 22 year old DaLucci of Kittery, Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out the wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors ed the. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeNucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound. Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace. Vancouver Washington women to fuck
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers. "We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper. "Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted. The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay." "Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?" The trooper continued. "When we pulled her up she had 12 twenty pound crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs on her." Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?" The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow!" hookup in ocala
i was thinking, 'seriously? but bushes were put here for me TO pee on!' ;) so did the girl in the blue dress give it up that night to my straight cutie? my roommate was trying to help him get laid. that's why he started the dance floor to get the two of them dancing. LMAO! and then there was jt. sheesh. i gave him a lot of hell. maybe a little too much. =P girl from Ravensburg gets fuckedim bi, im not out and my family didnt know about this i live with my aunt and cousin in a house, i hooked up on tonight like ive done 10 times in the past i hookup late night,early morning and meet in front and if all is cool go to the garage and play, im in the garage like 2 hours ago with a guy i hooked up with on and im naked on the floor doggystyle getting topped when my 71 year old aunt opens the laundry room door and just stands there for a minute looking and the guy freaks out she freaks out and now what do i say in the morning, i feel real embarassed , i cant even look at her, i cant believe she seen me getting fucked what should i do discreet grannys
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