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Meet for a drink or dinner first. Then maybe go out on dates together. (non sexual ones) It's probably the best course of action right now. As far as your jealousy is concerned, you and your wife need to discuss that before anything happens at all. She hid them from you, which is a breach of trust. Ask her why she felt the need to keep them from you. You guys need to be open and honest with each other about that, about why you're thinking of opening at the very least your sexual relationship up. I recommend a book ed "Opening Up" by Taormino. It discusses the pros and cons of opening your relationship/marriage. It also has passages from people the authors interviewed, so it's steeped in the realistic and not just the hypothetical. There are also writing exercises, communication exercises, etc. It's well written and not as wishy washy as some open relationship books out there. Good luck. women what want to fuckSay something like "I can tell things have changed between us and you are thinking about someone. My guess is you are feeling mixed up or you don't want to hurt anyone. But I feel left out and let down when you refuse to speak to me about this. I would prefer to feel upsetting feelings and deal with reality than be stuck with not knowing what's really going on. After 12 years of marriage I think I deserve that level of respect." If she's not willing to budge, she's being passive because she's afraid, then you take action and draw a boundary. At least you invited her to talk. dating advice
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